There is something happening in my house that I do not understand. It doesn’t make one bit of sense.

Some days ago, I stood in front of the mirror and asked my reflection, “Where did I get it wrong in my marriage that it has so many thorns like this?” I stood there for a long time, waiting as if the man staring back at me would finally have an answer I have searched for over the years.

I agree that marriage isn’t rosy. Every marriage has its storms. But I have always believed it is supposed to be bittersweet. There should be difficult days, yes, but there should also be days that remind you why you chose each other in the first place. Mine has become something else entirely.

These days, I feel like I have been reduced to an ATM card. A husband only when money is needed.

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I am currently living in the US. My wife and our two children are still in Ghana.

Before I relocated here, something happened that I now believe changed everything.

Very early one morning, while it was still dark outside, my wife tapped me awake and said she wanted to talk. She looked at me and accused me.

“I think you are my enemy of progress. Whenever I am working on a project and I tell you about it, it doesn’t go through. I believe you are the cause. So, from today onwards, I will not tell you anything about me anymore.”

I chuckled and asked her to explain what she meant. She repeated the same accusation, listed a few examples, and still arrived at the same conclusion.

I didn’t know she had already made up her mind. From that day onward, I stopped having access to her life.

I knew when she woke up. I knew when she put on her uniform because she is a government police officer. I knew when she came back home. Apart from that, she locked me out of everything.

There were no conversations about her day or her dreams. No conversations about what was worrying her or making her happy. It was as though someone had quietly locked a door between us, and only she had the key.

One thing about my wife is that she likes using her salary to secure loans from different financial institutions. I found this out by sheer luck. I didn’t like it because I know how dangerous those loans can become when they keep piling up.

Out of concern, I spoke to her mother and asked her to advise her daughter to stop taking them.

Nothing changed. As the saying goes, “A man who loves his wife, what can he do or say?” So I accepted it. Sometimes love teaches you to fight. Other times, it teaches you to become silent.

When I made plans to travel abroad, it was all for my family again. The situation in the country was hard at the time. Opportunities were scarce, and I was even more worried about our children. I asked for her input on my plans. If she wasn’t okay with it, she was free to let me know. If she was, then we would find a way forward together.

She gave me her blessing, and we proceeded with the plans.

Now I am here, and my wife has still locked me out of her life. Even my children’s lives.

I don’t know what positions they hold in class anymore. I don’t know which subjects they now enjoy the most. I don’t know whether they still laugh at the same cartoons or if they have discovered new hobbies. I don’t know who their closest friends are. I don’t know what scares them anymore. I don’t know what makes them smile.

The little moments a father is supposed to know have become mysteries to me.

The only time I hear anything about my children is when it involves money that I have to pay. That is when she remembers to call me. Other than that, I receive no information about them. Not even about her.

Even then, I am simply sent the bill on WhatsApp. When I call to ask questions, that is when I am told, “This child has been sick for this number of days. I took him or her to the hospital. This is the bill. Send the money.”

I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone

Now my question is this. Where did I get it wrong in my marriage? Is this how marriage is supposed to be? Is it the distance, can I be responsible for the wrong happenings in her life? How can I undo all of this? In years to come, I do not want to be known as the father who just provides for his children. Talk to me.

—Ishmael

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