I used to call her my World Cup because she wasn’t just my girlfriend; she was the prize I felt I had won. I adored her. I always told her I would marry her. We were young back then so she didn’t quite believe me. Oh, but we are married now. We have three children together.
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Over the years, our journey has been filled with growth and countless sacrifices. On the outside we were fine, but beneath the surface, there’s been a quiet ache that words rarely touch. Every time I ask her questions about our marriage, she says the most demoralising things.
“I should have been a nun.”
“I will never get married in my next life.”
“Marriage has made me more unhappy than anything else.”
Sometimes she would say in passing, “Many women are unhappy in marriages but they stay for the status.”
Over the past eleven years, she’s made these kinds of heart-piercing commercials and launched them at me. She withheld intimacy from me as well. When I expressed how the lack of sex affected me emotionally, she’d say, “I don’t want to be the one making you unhappy.” This didn’t make sense to me. However, the one that always got to me was, “Don’t do things for me expecting something in return.” This implied that I was seeking intimacy as a transaction.
Somehow, we made it through that rough patch. We started working on us. We made progress. Financially, we’ve been stable. Sex, at least to my knowledge, was no longer a major issue. I thought we had come to understand each other deeply and had begun to truly prioritise one another.
I made every effort to know what made her happy and stopped doing what made her sad. I’d stay on the phone with her all day, even while she was at work. I planned trips because she loves to travel. I stopped holding grudges because she asked me to. I forgave more quickly, more freely, all because I loved her that deeply.
We recently went on a fun trip together. Things felt good, genuinely good. We were already planning another vacation. Then came yesterday.
In what I thought was a lighthearted conversation, I asked her, “If you could make one thing disappear from your life’s worries, what would it be?” She paused and asked, “You want the truth?” I said yes.
“Marriage. I will delete marriage from my life.”
I was stunned. After everything we’d been through? After all the work, the growth, the love? Her words sank like lead in my chest. I recalled all the previous statements she made about herself and marriage.
I couldn’t talk. I knew if I did, I might say something I couldn’t take back. She noticed and tried to explain: “I feel like a failure at marriage. I try everything, but I just can’t seem to get it right.”
“What do you mean?” Because to me, things are going great.
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She said, “The sex was a problem for her. As to what specifically that meant, she wouldn’t say it.” She also talked about the little disagreements we had over certain things. She claimed she couldn’t meet my needs.”
I was heartbroken. I used to be a very wild guy before marriage, but I changed because I loved her. I didn’t want to go back to that life. I still don’t. But now, I wonder if she’s taking my deep love for her, my patience, kindness, and gentleness, as weakness.
You Can’t Ask What A Woman Uses Her Money For
I don’t yell. I don’t insult. I don’t belittle her. I love her deeply. And yet, it feels like she sees our love as a burden rather than a blessing.
I’m left wondering, “What do you do when the person you’ve given your all to starts questioning whether the love you share is what they ever wanted in the first place?
—David
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#SB
Focus on yourself. Prioritise you and your kids. It looks like your are pouring water on
a stone . I’m not saying neglect her .
Add a low maintenance side chick to providd for your sexual andvemotional stability. Forget these romantic trips with your wife and start saving the money for projects on her blind side. This will increase your social capital and help you secure a future wife who must sign a pre-nuptial to safeguard your hard won properties. Start looking for exit route from this ungrateful wife of yours.
She mentioned the SEX. Why don’t you prove it further?? Trust me you can give a woman the whole world but if the sex is terrible, she can’t feign happiness forever; especially a woman who has had great sex in the past.
Shalom!
She should speak up about what her taste and styles are in bed. David cannot be a magician especially in this modern age when women are veteran sex machines by the time they are settling down. I will tell you the honest truth, it’s likely David married a high maintenance girl for a wife. Immediately. Divorce or adding another woman to keep prostrate a bar is the next step so that David can have a long life.
Continue hitting a stone expecting it to produce water. How many more years of your life do you want to continue living like this? Answer this question to and you’ll have known what to do
This is what happens when a woman doesn’t speak up early. If you’re not ready to be married, don’t get married just because he proposed.
Sex for women is also very different from that for men. Anga, people downplay sex too much. There’s an art to it and it’s easier to find someone with it than to teach it. There’s sex; then there’s pathetic sex.
As the man, stop saying you’ve done everything for her. Please keep quiet and up your game first. It could be the genesis of all other problems.
Dhalliah, from the story, David married a woman who feels she is out of his league. David actually also thinks she is out of his league. Personally as a man, I will tell David to marry another woman especially if the marriage was a customary one. If it was a court marriage, he could lose much of any property they have made togather. He cannot keep pouring water onto an impenetrable stone. The funny thing about most of most of these physically appealing women is that 95% of them are intellectually deficient and morally bankrupt. I can assure you that she will keep shifting the goal post because she gets interest and funning looks from older or younger richer men. The local trips David is planning does not match her expectations. Men frequently make the mistakes of settling for a woman the man is crazily in love with instead settling for the woman who is crazily in love with them.
She doesn’t love u bro
Maybe she has her own internal problems,doesn’t like sex.My advise to David is to emotionally detach himself from her,stop over loving her,love yourself and your kids.let her beautiful, na werey dey worry am
*LET HER BE
It sounds more like your wife feels inadequate. You’ve tried your best, but it seems to be more of a her thing than anything that you are doing.
I’d suggest that the two of you try marriage therapy. You can also encourage her to see a psychiatrist because some of the things that you are describing sound like symptoms of depression