My husband said I am controlling him. He wants me to leave him to do whatever he wants. This means I should complain when he neglects me and our child. We don’t live in the same region because of work, but we might as well be divorced. He would stay on his phone all night making phone calls but wouldn’t spare a minute to talk to us.
We’ve been married for two years now, and we have one child. When I was entering the marriage, I went into it with the belief that marriage is all about sacrifice. So I did everything I was taught to do as a wife to keep my husband happy and satisfied. I cooked his meals. I did his laundry. I kept his clothes organized. I was a listening ear when he needed to talk. And I was a shoulder to lean on when he felt pressured by life. When it came to shuperu, I never withheld myself from him. He had me whenever he desired me.
After our child was born, things changed a little but I still did everything I could to make him happy. I never asked for anything in return. Only that he should continue being the loving man I exchanged marriage vows with. How hard can it be to give your wife and your baby attention? How much will it cost for him to reply to my messages and return my calls? What would it take out of his life if he showed us a little care?
This is what I talked to him about when he started growing distant. I told him to be more present in our lives. He acted as if I was disturbing him. But I didn’t want us to get to a point in our marriage where we would be completely disconnected from each other. So I was fighting for us. Unfortunately, he didn’t appreciate my efforts. So we started having petty fights over his behaviour.
It’s been a month now since things escalated. He told me, “My life is mine to live the way I please but you refuse to let me have peace of mind. I can no longer be with you because you insist on controlling me. I want a divorce.” I asked when things got this far, and he said, “I met someone who loves and accepts me for who I am so I want to be with her.”
I don’t want to lose him. I have told him this. I have tried my best to reason with him so that we can resolve our issues, but he has become so rude to me. He talks to me with no iota of respect. He keeps telling me, “It’s too late to fix our marriage. I have moved on so you too, find another man and move on.”
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This is not the first time he has shown signs of infidelity in our marriage but I know there are no perfect humans so I always forgive him, hoping he would change. But this time around he has taken things too far. Could you believe that he blocked me on WhatsApp and used his new girlfriend as his profile picture? He thought I wouldn’t see it but I found out.
This situation has my heart in pieces. I’m a product of a broken home so it was my one wish that my children would grow up in a home with both parents present. This is why I tried so hard to be a good wife so my marriage would hold. They tell us that it is the wife who makes a home. Well, I am trying but my husband is gone.
We Met At El-Classico Match | Rich & Derby
I don’t know where I went wrong. I don’t burden him with money. I was the one taking care of almost all the costs involved in running a home. All I wanted was his attention. How is that a problem? Left to me alone, I would keep fighting for us but if I don’t respect his decision and let him go, I will lose my sanity in the end. So I have decided to give him the divorce he wants. I tell myself that I will be fine but it hurts like hell. Sometimes I blame myself for ignoring some red flags, but now I have learned my lessons the hard way. I trust that God will see me through this phase.
I just keep myself this one question, “What do men want from women?” Right now, all I need are some words of encouragement from women who have gone through this dark tunnel and found their way to the light. Tell me how you conquered your loss and survived.
—Eden
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#SB
1. Get someone, people, you can talk about your feelings with. Vent.
2. Immerse yourself in work. It will help to take your mind off the painful subject sometimes
3. Pray and cry to God, he is always available. He won’t let you exceed your limits
4. Start removing the things that remind you of him. Let him take them away or you toss them
5. The rest is left to Time, the great healer
One thing people always misunderstand about a broken home is that the children become wayward and that’s never true, my parents separated when I was 6-7yrs, now I am 22 and I can boldly say my parents have the best co-parent relationship, sure, there are bad days, they’ve come to understand it’s now just the kids. So I strongly believe that you continuing to stay with him regardless of the amount of disrespect will just drain cos any chance he gets he’ll mock you, it’s your child you should be concerned about that he’s taking care of him or her. I always say if a man wants to leave and you try convincing him otherwise and he stays, he’ll use that to blackmail you
@Francess
Your analysis on broken homes and effects on children is VAGUE
Fact is broken homes accounts over 80% of prison inmates worldwide
Broken homes has also been known to produce the most unproductive in society
Broken homes has also been known to account for a high percentage of child suicide deaths
So yes, its okay to stay in the marriage because of the children
Marriage is not only about the 2 adults involved but mostly because of the children
Eden,
I feel your pain and sorry for what you’re going through
I will suggest you call the elders to talk to him.
2 years is too small a time for the 2 of you to be mentioning divorce in your home
I agree there’s a problem but the solution is clearly not divorce, its more of communication
Hold on, don’t sign any document concerning divorce yet.
… and no reasonable elder from both sides of the family should even consent to divorce in this case
I feel your pain, talk to the elders about the situation and know if they can reconcile the both of you if not for anything for your son. 2 years is too small to talk about divorce and no man is a saint.
I pray with you for peace in your home