I met Edem when she was a twenty-two-year-old third-year student at one of the country’s premier universities. Our meeting was by accident. I was trying to reach my friend who had lost her phone and placed her SIM Card in Edem’s phone. That day I called my friend, only to be greeted by Edem’s angelic voice on the phone. Hearing her say “hello” melted my heart like butter. I didn’t know anything about her but I deduced that she was a beautiful and humble young woman. I engaged her in a conversation and asked if she would like to be my friend too. She said, “Sure, why not?” and that was the beginning of us.

I called her from time to time to check up on her, and she also did the same for me. After a short while, our calls became frequent, and she started confiding in me about her personal problems. I did my best to offer her candid advice whenever she needed it, and only a listening ear whenever she needed that too. In short, I was whatever she needed me to be. Due to our constant interaction, I fell in love with her. However, I decided that it was best we keep our friendship platonic so I kept my feelings to myself.

Another reason for not shooting my shot is that I am a married man. My wife and son are living abroad. I didn’t hide this information from Edem. I often talked to her about them and she always asks about my son when she calls me.
One evening, I was home when Edem called me crying. Her voice was so thick that I had to pay close attention to make out the words she was saying. “My father is dead,” she cried. I felt her shock and her heartache in that simple sentence. I knew she was going to have a hard time because she was very fond of her dad. So I did my best to be her rock.

I called her every day to check up on her and assured her, “I am here for you, whenever and whatever you need me to be.” She accepted my comfort and called me whenever her grief overwhelmed her. It was at this point that our friendship grew very deep. One day, I had an assignment in the town of her school. So I took the opportunity and suggested that we finally meet in person. She agreed so we made plans.

On the third day of my arrival, she paid me a visit. At that time, I was in the training room so when I had a short break we moved to my room. I noticed she felt uncomfortable being alone with me so I asked her, “Would you like me to escort you back to your hostel?”She said yes with relief so I escorted her out of my room. On the way back I asked her, “Do you not feel safe around me?” She answered, “That’s not the problem. My concern is, you are a married man so I don’t want lines to get crossed.” I explained, “Yes, I share those concerns too. Trust me, I have no intention of cheating on my wife. So let’s agree that no matter how intimate we get, we will not sleep together.” She responded, “Yes, definitely. That makes me feel at ease.”

A few months down the line we planned another visit. This time I drove all the way to her town purposely to see her. Before the visit, we agreed that we would spend the night together but wouldn’t sleep together. In fact, I was very sincere about keeping the terms of our agreement. When the day came, I was anxious to meet her but I didn’t give her that indication. That night was electrifying. We kissed, caressed, and went down on each other. I was tempted to go all the way with her but I resisted the urge. When our time together was over, and I left for my base, I couldn’t take my mind off her.

Occasionally when we spoke, we reminisced about that night. Later, she complained about her phone so I bought her an iPhone 8. After that, she complained about her food going bad so I bought her a fridge. The next thing she complained about was her curtains. I replaced them with new ones. Sometimes during my visits, she would make us drive around town and do thrift shopping. I didn’t mind doing all these for her because I loved her, and I wanted her to be comfortable.

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The second time we spent the night together also passed as the first time. We did everything but the actual thing. That night she slept in my arms throughout the night. The next morning we discussed the future of our relationship. I told her, “I love you but I’m already married so I can’t promise you marriage. However, we can continue seeing each other until you complete school. From there, we will discuss what to do next.” I also added, “But I don’t want to be selfish and keep you all to myself. Feel free to explore other opportunities, and don’t hesitate to let me know when you find a beloved. I promise I won’t get in the way.” I knew it would be difficult to let her go but I also knew that I couldn’t keep her so I was willing to love her for as long as I could.

She didn’t object to anything I said so we continued the relationship peacefully. Soon enough school vacated and she went home. Two days after she arrived she called to tell me, “I have thought about us, and I don’t think I can do this anymore. It’s not right.” I knew she was right so I didn’t put up a fight. I let her go peacefully, but my heart was shattered into a thousand shards. I couldn’t bear to talk to her without feeling a stab in my heart, so I cut her off. She texted me recently asking why I have stopped talking to her. How can she not know the pain she has caused me? How can she expect us to go back to just being friends after everything we have done? I know I made a mistake when I allowed things to get out of hand in the first place but I have learned my lesson. I will not let her back into my life.

—Moses

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