I met Hassan through my friend, Amina. This was about 10 years ago. That day we didn’t exchange contacts. We just had conversations in the moment and went our separate ways. The next time I saw him was in October last year. When he introduced himself to me he still didn’t ask for my number. It was after our meeting that he took my number from Amina.

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He didn’t beat around the bush when he called me. He told me, “I have liked you right from the day I saw you with Amina. I want to get to know you better.” He sounded sincere and I didn’t have anyone in my life. So we started talking. Before long, we had agreed to be in a relationship.

He is wealthy, and generous. He goes out of his way to show that he cares about me and loves me. However, he is hardly ever available because of the nature of his job. He travels a lot. If he is not moving from State to State within Nigeria, then he is outside the country.

This year alone, he paid ₦1.5 million for my culinary school, gives me ₦100,000 every two weeks for upkeep, and sometimes sends an additional ₦50,000 randomly. After I completed my program, he also sent me ₦600,000 to buy a mixer and an oven.

He says he wants to marry me. But from what I have observed, he may never be physically or emotionally available. I also suspect he is a womaniser based on a few signs I noticed in his house. Whenever I ask him about anything, he lies or avoids the conversation.

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Now to make issues more complicated, I met another man in October this year. He is not like Hassan. He is not wealthy. He lives an average life. He also says he wants to marry me. He is more consistent, and more present in my life. He wants us to get married by December or January.

I don’t know who I should settle with. My heart is drawn to the new man I just met last month because I feel I will be happier with him. I know he doesn’t have anything to offer me yet but being with Hassan has taught me that money cannot buy happiness.

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But I feel guilty when I think about making a choice that would disappoint and hurt Hassan. I don’t want him to think I used him after everything he has spent on me. I don’t know how to explain things in a way he will understand.

I just want to make the right decision for my peace and future. What do you advise I do?

—Mariam

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