I was very young but I knew my dad wasn’t drinking until he started drinking. I don’t know the state he was in or what made him start drinking. But from that point in our lives, a lot of things changed. My elder brother was in SHS and my sister before me was in JHS and I was in primary school.

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I saw the constant fights and arguments that started even before birds started to chirp in the morning. Mom started the fight. Dad would absorb the heat until he would later respond. My dad spoke to my elder brother a lot. I heard my elder brother telling him to stop drinking so there would be peace. When he wanted to run from my mom, he would come to our room to play or talk to us and sometimes end up sleeping in our bed. Mom never came looking for him.

I didn’t understand what divorce meant so when dad was no longer living with us I didn’t take it as anything. I knew his house so I walked there often. He would give me money when he had it. He would pay our fees and sometimes give me a little gift. One day I went there and his door was closed. Later I got to know he was no longer there. He had travelled. It occurred to me that my dad wasn’t coming home again. I understood divorce that day.

Mom grew bitter and offensive. If I asked for money for school, she would say, “I don’t have it. Why don’t you look for your worthless dad and take from him.” But she would give me the money anyway. She didn’t do it to only me but to my elder siblings too. My brother left home after school and never came back. I don’t know how he did it but he put himself through Polytechnic until he graduated.

My elder sister got pregnant along the line and dropped out of school. Today, you speak to her and she blames my mom for everything that happened to her.

Mom was scary so instead of going to her with her needs, she went to men and one of those men got her pregnant. Mom drove her out of the house to go and live with the man who got her pregnant. She ended up with our grandma from our dad’s side. My sister never came back home again.

So I was the only one left with my mom. When life frustrated her, she brought her anger on me. She would throw her hand when all I did was just breathe. When I asked for money for school, she would give me a lecture on how my dad was worthless and how she struggled to make money and later advise me to go out there and make my own money.

I listened to her and started saving money when I was in JHS. I bought milk powder and sold it in rubber to my classmates. I added popular toffees. Later I sold pens and pencils. I sold drawing sheets too. I wasn’t totally dependent on my mom then. When I asked for money and she screamed at me, I went to school knowing very well I could sell and spend some of my money.

When I was writing BECE, I needed to learn so I stopped selling and put my money in a money box, hoping to complete school and start a business with that money. By the time I completed school, my money box was gone. I placed it under my bed but I searched everywhere in the room and couldn’t find it. I went to my mom and asked if she had seen it. She said I’d accused her of stealing. The beating I received that day, God is my witness.

She would leave the house and not leave any money behind for me. I had to go around asking for onions from a neighbor and tomatoes from an outsider before I could put together food to eat. I took a lesson from my sister’s pregnancy that was why I didn’t go around taking from men.

By the time my results came, my dad had started calling and asking about us. He started sending money through relatives. He asked me to go and live with his sister and I did. My mom never came looking for me even when I started school. By the time I completed university, the relationship between me and her was nonexistent. When she had a phone, I called her. But anytime I called, she would ask, “Who’s this?”

That annoyed me so much I didn’t want to call her again. My elder sister travelled abroad through my dad’s help and to date she doesn’t call my mom. She would call me and my brother but immediately we brought our mother into the conversation, she would drop the call.

Every month, we’d put money together and send it to her. That aside, she would lie about sickness that had no name just to collect extra money from us. She would tell me the same story she told to collect money from my brother just to also get from me. If I said I didn’t have money, this woman would bring up the history of how she suffered to take care of us and how she had to sleep on an empty stomach so we would feed.

She fell seriously sick and I brought her here to receive medical care. I tried to use that opportunity to bridge the vast gap between us. I would talk to her about the past and try for the two of us to mend. She wasn’t comfortable but I tried to bring her to speak. When I brought my money box issue, this woman said I’d accused her of being a thief so she was leaving my house. She was so angry she wouldn’t even eat my food. When my brother sent her money, she used that money to travel back to our hometown.

She no longer talks to me. I would call her and she would ask me, “Who’s this?” She would get to know it’s me and she would either drop the line or give me attitude. She only calls my brother.

Three Months After Our Breakup, He Got Married

I experienced childhood trauma from my mother and am currently receiving adulthood trauma from the same person. I’m not my sister, so it’s hard for me to cut her off, so even when she wouldn’t take from me, I would give money to my brother to give to her. She tells people she has only one child, that’s my brother. The rest of us have abandoned her because now we are well-to-do.

Sometimes I’m angry. I want to call her and tell her my mind but I’m reminded that she’s not going to be here with us forever. One day she’ll go and we’ll have peace of mind to live our lives.
#MyChildhoodTrauma

—Asor

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