My husband postponed our wedding twice because, according to him, anytime we got close to having our wedding, something happened and he lost his savings. The first time was because of his mother. A few months before our wedding, his mother needed surgery. By the time she left the hospital, he told me he didn’t have the money for our wedding, so we either had to postpone it or I had to give him a soft loan, which he would repay after the wedding.

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I chose to have the wedding postponed, and just when the new date was approaching, his mother’s elder sister died. I thought it shouldn’t affect our wedding, but he told me it was this aunt who had taken care of him, so he couldn’t turn his back on her. He postponed the wedding again. Before the final wedding date approached, he called to ask me to split the cost of the wedding because, according to him, he didn’t have all the money.

I told him, “Dear, it’s not compulsory to marry me in a way your finances can’t support. We can always wait until you’re ready or marry however your money will suffice.”

He decided to go ahead with the wedding anyway, so we started counseling and put plans underway. He was buying a lot of things on credit. Some of them I later decided to pay for so they wouldn’t become debts in our name. I paid for the photography and videography in full because he wanted them to work before payment, which they declined. I ended up paying for things I had initially refused to pay for because I wanted our wedding to be smooth.

My church has this tradition. During weddings, they collect a special offertory for the couple. According to the church, it’s a way of setting up the couple on their marital journey. Most often, couples don’t collect the money. They give it back to the church and instead ask for prayers.

My husband didn’t know anything about this tradition until our wedding, when the church did it. They handed the money to us, but my mom took it and gave it back to the church, asking for prayers instead. I don’t know where my husband’s mind was during that moment because, when it was announced that we had given the money back to the church, he didn’t seem to hear it. So the next day, when we were going through the gifts people had brought, he asked me about the money.

I told him we had given it back to the church. He screamed, “When? Where? How did it happen that I didn’t see it? And why give it away without asking for my permission?”

He thought I was lying, so he called my mother and asked her about the money. My mom answered, “That money usually goes back to the church. No couple ever takes that money.”

My husband retorted, “We were ready to take the money. The church gave it to us, so why give it back? Do you know how much went into this wedding? Do you know the number of people I owe?”

He went on and on with my mom over the phone. I told him that it wasn’t too late; he could go back to the pastor and collect the money. He was ready to do that and asked me to take him there because it was my church. I declined, and that got him infuriated. He concluded that I had connived with my mom to steal the money and that until we returned it, we were not going to have peace.

He didn’t go on the two-day honeymoon we had planned because of this money. We had rented a place we were supposed to move into after the wedding. Instead, he went back to the landlord, collected the rent we had paid, and told me I should go to my pastor, collect the money we had given to the church, and use that to pay the rent. I had contributed close to forty percent of the rent. He didn’t refund my contribution and instead pocketed everything.

Out of frustration, I went to the church and confided in my pastor about the situation. He was so pained that he asked me why I hadn’t told him earlier. He called my husband and explained everything to him. He assured my husband that he could speak to the church elders and get the money for us. My husband asked my pastor to get the money because the church had collected the offering in our name.

A week later, I was handed an envelope in church containing the money. I didn’t open it. I went straight to him and handed him the whole envelope. He counted the money right in front of me and burst out laughing. “So your church wants to tell me the money we got was only GHC957? Are they playing with us? Take it back. I don’t want it.”

I angrily walked away from him, leaving the money with him.

Three months later, we still live apart. He lives in his single-room apartment while I continue living with my mom. He’s squandered the rent money and also the money I gave him from the church. He’s not able to raise money for our rent again.

The other day my mom asked me, “Has he always been like this? Did you marry him despite knowing about this behavior?”

I told my mom I hadn’t had the chance to see that side of him. My mom said, “Now you know, and you have to decide what you’re going to do about it. A man like this won’t take you anywhere.”

I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone

I’ve thought about this every day, and I regret my marriage. I should have noticed from the way he kept postponing our wedding. I should have noticed when he asked me to split the cost. I saw the signs, yet I gave them a different interpretation. Now, here I am, not knowing whether I should move forward or backward.

Do you believe a marriage that starts this way has a chance of ending well?

—Linda

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