My husband nearly threw my things out because I’d dyed my hair without telling him. I didn’t dye my whole hair oo. I had braids and dyed the tips of the braids. To him, it was a big deal. He said he didn’t marry me with dyed hair, and all the time we dated, I never did that, so why do it after marriage?

I asked if he had a problem with the dyed hair or the fact that I didn’t tell him.

He answered, “You’re a married woman now. You can’t take certain decisions without seeking permission from your husband.”

We had been married for a year after dating for a year. He was seven years older than me. I fell in love with his maturity and his protective instinct. I learned a lot from him while we were dating. I saw him as the more experienced person between us, so I ran to him to discuss everything with him for his direction. That didn’t change. I still talked to him about everything until that day.

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He made me go back to the salon and change my hairstyle. I was pained, but I blamed myself too.

“I should have told him before doing that.”

My younger sister was getting married. She called my husband and told him about it and extended an invitation to him. On the day of the wedding, my husband arrived empty-handed.

My elder sister’s husband came with a very big package for the couple as a gift and also added money and gave it to them. I didn’t even think much of it, only for my husband to attack me that very evening, shouting, “Why didn’t you tell me your family expected a gift from me? You made me look like a fool in front of everybody. What is a gift that I couldn’t afford to give?”

I told him, “Dear, no one expected you to give anything, just like no one expected him to bring anything. He did it out of kindness and also to support my sister. It’s fine if you couldn’t do it.”

He said I had called him unkind and unsupportive. That very evening, he left without saying goodbye to my parents. I had to cover for him by saying he had an emergency, so he had to rush out.

He gave me the silent treatment for days because of this issue.

My aunt returned from abroad. I lived with this aunt throughout my younger years. She didn’t have a child. She took me in and raised me like her own until she travelled out of the country. My husband knows this story very well and the contributions my aunt made during our wedding, though she wasn’t around.

When she was coming to Ghana, I told my husband about it and even asked him to go to the airport with me to meet her. He didn’t go.

My aunt was in Ghana for two months. Anytime she was in Accra, she called to tell me. One day, I came home late after going to meet my aunt. My husband accused me of going to meet a man.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to stay that long? And why was your phone off?”

My aunt had to call him to confirm I was with her the whole time and even apologised to him for keeping me away for that long. I was so embarrassed when my aunt asked me, “Is that who you live with? I hope you’re happy.”

My aunt imported a car, but the car arrived a few days before she left Ghana. The container had a TV, washing machine, home appliances, and other kitchen stuff. She was at the port with me and told me everything was mine, including the car.

You could imagine the shock on my face when she said that. She said she hadn’t supported me enough since I grew up and it was a token to a daughter.

I went home with joy to announce it to my husband. “Oh wow, how can we appreciate her enough? You should have told me so I could go with you. Can we see her tomorrow and thank her?”

From all indications, my husband had plans of using it. He asked when the car was coming home and where we were going to register it. My aunt’s friend, who helped to clear the things at the port, also sold cars. I told him to sell the car for me.

While my husband was making plans, the car was on the market. I gave the TV to my parents and a few other things. Then I shared the appliances with my sisters.

When my husband kept asking about the car, I told him it had been sold. The crack in my marriage today was because I sold my car without telling him.

He had a problem with the fact that I didn’t tell him I was selling it. He had a problem with the fact that he didn’t see the car before I sold it. He had a problem with the fact that he wasn’t the one who sold the car.

He asked, “So where’s the money?”

“It’s with my dad. He’s using it to complete his house.”

He screamed, “Are we married at all? Then why are you here? Go and stay in the house with your dad.”

The rest of the things I brought home, my husband gathered them and threw them out, saying his house wasn’t a dumping site where I would bring foreign goods. He pushed the washing machine out of the door and told me not to return it. Something he had refused to buy since we got married ooo.

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I gathered everything and sent it to a friend, and to date, my marriage hasn’t healed.

He maltreated me day and night until I called my aunt and told her everything. She said, “You said you’re happy. Happy with such a man? Just tell me when you’re ready. You can come and live with me here. It has always been you and me.”

Starting all over again in life is very difficult, but a lot of people have done it and they didn’t die. It’s exactly what I intend to do.

I will gather the rest of what I have left and travel to live with my aunt. I will start life again over there and be free from this marriage.

He wouldn’t know what hit him in the end.

—Sally

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