Ishmael and I first had our oldest daughter and moved in together before we got married. At the time, I had a job, but he didn’t. His unemployment made life difficult both before and after marriage. Everything fell on my shoulders. In the beginning, I didn’t have a problem providing for the family. I was sure he would get something to do soon and stand on his feet.

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Boy, was I wrong. Instead of applying for jobs, he said he didn’t want to work for anyone. “I want to start my own business.”

Since he wasn’t going to change his mind, I took loans to help him set up a business. I don’t know how he managed it, but the business failed. So I ended up paying off loans while singlehandedly taking care of the home. Things got so bad that my salary could barely feed us for a week. He saw all this but refused to go out and find a job.

Later, he came up with a new business idea. It didn’t need much capital to start, so I encouraged him to go ahead. Although he wasn’t happy about it, I insisted on managing the business for him. It started well, and that was when we finally got married and made things official.

After the marriage, I decided to take some courses to upgrade myself. I had to leave the business for him to handle because I couldn’t manage work, school, the business, and pregnancy all at once. That was when things fell apart. Once again, I don’t know what he did, but the business collapsed. We owed customers close to GH₵50,000 because they had paid for goods Ishmael couldn’t deliver.

From then on, he stayed home to take care of the children while I went to work. He helped out a lot with domestic work, but he still refused to look for a job. He kept saying he wanted his own business. Because of his mindset, we depended on loans for everything.

At some point, I got tired. I felt trapped. The head of the home wasn’t bringing in any income, and I was drowning in debt while struggling to keep our family afloat.

By the time we had baby number two, our marriage was barely standing. Whenever I complained about him finding a job, he got angry. Sometimes he would leave home and not come back for days. It affected everything—communication, intimacy, and my feelings for him. When he came close to me, I’d push him away because I didn’t feel like being intimate. I was unhappy that his life revolved around staying home, having sex, and being on his phone.

One day, he told me he wanted a second wife. “You are not doing your duties as a wife, so I am bringing in another woman.”

I cried but later told him to do whatever would make him happy. Soon after, he told me he was seeing someone else. According to him, “I’m giving you respect by telling you.” When I got upset, he said, “Women hate the truth.”

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If I expressed my feelings, he would say I was disrespecting him. One day, he even reported me to my family, saying I was disrespecting him because he wasn’t working. Meanwhile, I had been covering up for him all along. I made everyone believe he had a job. When we went out, I gave him money to pay for things so people would think he was in charge.

He can be kind when he’s in a good mood. He’ll wish me a happy birthday or Mother’s Day. But when he’s not in the mood, he ignores me completely.

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After all these years, he finally got a job. Guess what? He still doesn’t contribute to the home. He says he is paying off loans. Every time I ask him for money, he tells me, “You’re acting like you don’t know I’m broke.”

Now, I’m exhausted and emotionally drained. My situation gets worse by the day. He is even talking about divorce. I am tired of coddling him just so I don’t hurt his ego. I don’t know what to do anymore.

—Betty

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