My husband and I have been married for five years, and we have three children. For the first three years of our marriage, I lived with my husband’s mother and his three siblings in a two-bedroom apartment. It wasn’t easy being crammed into such a small space with in-laws, but I survived.

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We are not broke; we can afford our own place and could even rent out my husband’s mother and siblings’ apartment. But for three years, my husband refused to move. It took a lot — raining fire and brimstone after my second child, even threatening him with lawyers — before he finally moved his family out. We then maintained the former apartment for ourselves.

One thing I am grateful for is that I never quarreled with my in-laws. We’re still on very good terms, even after they relocated. Interestingly, his mother also wanted space but couldn’t speak up because she has no income and doesn’t work.

Living with my in-laws meant my family never visited or stayed over, not even for a night. I felt especially ashamed when my mother came and couldn’t stay. I knew my family was disgruntled, but no one ever said anything directly to me.

Even now, my mother rarely visits. When I deliver a baby, my husband always has an excuse for why she shouldn’t come. And when she does show up, I have to ignore my husband and call her over myself.

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Meanwhile, his family continues to show up unannounced, even after moving out. His younger brother once stayed for a month without notice, his grandmother for a week, and one of his colleagues for three days.

I have excellent people skills, and everyone who visits always remarks that I’m a good woman. But inside, I’m dying. I don’t want to be just a good woman. I want to own my space and mentally prepare for visitors before they arrive.

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My husband has a particular junior colleague who is notorious for staying over unannounced. He doesn’t bathe, doesn’t help with anything, eats and drinks all the mineral water in the house, is loud and nosy, and spends 3–5 days on our couch, telling my kids to stop playing, turn off the cartoons, and go to bed because he doesn’t want noise.

I have asked my husband several times to tell him to stop coming over, but he seems too timid to act like the man of the house. And the truth is, he too is fed up with this guy. I can confront him myself, but my big question is this: is it my place to tell this person he is no longer welcome in my home?

—Miracle

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