I met him when his family moved into our house. We were in JHS at the time and we became good friends until we got to SHS. There, we fell in love. We couldn’t do anything about it because we were scared our families would not approve of us dating. I am the only child of my mother, and he is also the only child of his mum. So our parents always paid extra attention to us. 

 As time went by, our love for each other increased. It became so obvious that our families started asking questions, “What’s going on between you two?” Or “Why are you both always together?” We decided to confide in our mothers. We told them about how we felt about each other and to our surprise, they gave us permission to date. We were so happy. We gave our all to the relationship. Owura was generous with gifts and he often took me out on dates. It was mostly simple walks and drinks but I enjoyed them because they were with him. 

After we completed SHS, we had our first shuperu. It was weird but I liked that he was my first. When it was time to further our education, we both applied for schools in the same town. Mine was nursing school and his was the university. This made things easier for us. I spent the weekends at his place and he visited me from time to time. We were doing well until he became insecure all of a sudden. He would pick fights with me for things I didn’t do, and we would break up. Then he would call and apologize and we’d get back together. This became a pattern in our relationship. We fight, break up, and make up. 

One day we got into another one of our fights and I asked him for a breakup but he refused. We also didn’t work out our issues so we begrudged each other for a very long time. In that period I had completed nursing school and moved back home. It happened that I had to go to campus to check my results and when I finished I spent the night at his place. I lay next to him that night while he was talking on the phone with another girl. I was hurt but I didn’t talk. I quickly left for my home the next day thinking I’d have to find a way to move on from him.

The day after I left his place, he visited me. He looked sincere and remorseful, “I am sorry for the way I’ve been acting. Let’s put it all behind us and move forward.” I accepted his apology and we had an intense makeup session. Which led to me getting pregnant. When I told him about it he said, “Well, what’s done is done. Keep the baby and I will do my best to take care of you.” So I kept the pregnancy and he supported me. He was taking care of his mother’s shop so he had the means to provide for us. The only thing I didn’t like was how much he changed.

Owura was no longer attentive and romantic like he used to be. When I complained he would tell me, “You know I’m under a lot of pressure with the baby coming. Let’s focus on that for now. We will deal with the rest later.” I wasn’t happy about things but I decided to focus on the baby as he said. He was right there with me through every process until I was delivered of a beautiful baby boy. His mother came to live with me and helped take care of us. The arrival of our baby brought some happiness into our families. I felt his attention starting to drift back to me after the baby’s birth. He visited us every day and things were good.

When the baby was seven months old, Owura came to visit us drunk. He ended up falling asleep on my couch. Late into the night, his phone rang. I got curious and answered it. The person on the other end was an angry woman. “Why are you answering someone’s phone?” She asked. “Why are you calling my man this late in the night?” I retorted. We ended up trading insults in a heated argument. The next day I was still angry. “Why did a woman call your phone last night and insulted me when I answered it?” I asked Owura when he woke up. He admitted to having a relationship with her. “I am sorry, I will end things with her immediately.” He even brought in one of my uncles to plead his case. By then I felt we had a baby together and I was tied to him. So I forgave him and we moved on.

 A few months later I got pregnant again,  and this time he said we should get married before the pregnancy starts to show. So we got married in 2014. He was working on a building project then and it was almost complete. He told me, “Why don’t we continue to live apart until we complete the house I’m building? Then we can move in and live together as a family.” It sounded good to me so I agreed. I mostly visited him at his shop with food. Sometimes too, he spent the night at my place. One day we were sleeping when a message popped up on his phone, “I love you.” I took note of the number and saved it on my phone. When I checked the person’s WhatsApp profile picture, it was my husband’s photo. 

I realized that it was the same woman who had quarrelled with me in the past. I asked him about it and he denied having anything to do with her. As time went on, he changed. Sometimes he visited us late in the night, or at dawn. There were times he didn’t visit us at all. I started thinking a lot and lost weight. I cried most of the time but I couldn’t talk to anyone about what was going on. He would have lied his way out of it. I had our second baby the same year we got married. I was still always sad and crying because of his behaviour. He wasn’t hurting me physically but the emotional abuse he dealt me was enough to break my spirit. 

Along the line, I received my back pay and I gave him sixty per cent of it to invest in his building. When that didn’t suffice, I took a loan of GHC7,000 to top it up. God being so good, we moved into our house in 2016. Everything he did when we lived apart doubled when we moved in together. He spent nights outside our home without telling me where he was sleeping. One day I found out that his mother was in communication with that other woman. I didn’t expect my mother-in-law to condone her son’s extramarital affair. I felt so betrayed and disappointed. 

My marriage kept moving from bad to worse. My husband only made love to me when he was in the mood. My needs didn’t matter. Sometimes he picked a fight with me when he got home just so we wouldn’t talk to each other for days. He always labelled me as quick-tempered and I always responded, “Have you noticed that my anger is only a reaction to the things you do? So if I am quick-tempered then it’s your fault.” One day I prayed and asked God to help me save my marriage and bring my husband back home to us. 

Not long after my prayer I received a call from the other woman. This time she was not angry. We had a lengthy conversation about my relationship with Owura. She confessed, “We’ve been dating all this while but he never mentioned he was married. I am sorry for the trouble I have caused you.” I accepted her apology and we ended things there. I think she must have confronted him because he came home looking defeated. He apologized for how horrible he had been. 

At that point too I decided that I had had enough so I told him, “I want a divorce. I can’t keep fighting for someone who doesn’t want to be fought for.” He begged me, “Please don’t leave me. I don’t know what came over me. I am very sorry.” I forgave him once again and took him back. One Sunday afternoon we were at home when the other woman showed up with her family. She told me, “Things have not been going well for me so I went to see a spiritualist. And I was told that you’ve cursed me. So we’ve come for you to reverse the curse.” I was surprised because I hadn’t done anything like that. I tried to explain it to her but she got angry and started insulting me.  

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After that time, I called Owura one day and he told me he was with this same woman and that they were discussing something. I got very angry. When he came home we had a huge fight and I slapped him. He retaliated and beat me up. I reported him to my uncle and he apologized and I took him back again. This other woman’s issue became history and we moved on. I gave birth in 2017 to our third child but we lost the baby. Owura started a new business and it did well. I got pregnant again in 2018 and it looked like our family was moving forward. But one morning, a number called him and I answered it. The caller was rude to me and I knew instantly that it was the other woman again. I confronted him about it and he said, “She needs help with something so I am helping her out.” I decided to monitor them to see if he was lying but I didn’t find anything. I don’t know if they were erasing their tracks or not. I was too tired to worry about it. 

I gave birth to our third baby, a boy. And my husband started coming home late again but he swore he wasn’t cheating. Unfortunately, I don’t trust anything he says because of his past behaviour. Even if he travels for a work project and doesn’t come home on time, I suspect he is cheating. Whenever I call him and he doesn’t pick up, I get suspicious. Everything he does which is questionable makes me suspicious. We have a fourth child now (technically fifth), a beautiful girl. He would tell me he is going somewhere but when I call he wouldn’t pick up. Later he would say, “Sorry, my phone is on silent so I didn’t hear your call.” I believe he is cheating on me again but I don’t have proof. 

He takes very good care of us but I feel insecure in the marriage. He always tells me he loves me but I don’t even believe him. I want to get a divorce because I don’t trust him anymore and I don’t think I ever will. 

—Nana

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