His salary was about five times more than I earned. That was when he was the man of the house. He took care of everything, even our wedding. I didn’t have to buy anything. I just had to name it and he provided. I counted it as all joy because to get a man who loves you and also loves to spend on you is the package. He told me to concentrate on being a wife while he did the heavy lifting that husbands do.

He sent money to my parents and sent food and groceries to them every three months. My parents didn’t call me when they needed something. They called my husband. I fought with them. I told them it wasn’t right. My husband fought on their side. He told me there was nothing wrong with that. “I’m also their son,” he said. I quickly corrected him, “Son-in-law!” He rebutted, “No matter how you look at it, there’s ‘son’ first before the law.”

You can’t force someone to unlove those they love so I stopped fighting him. He kept providing for us, for them and for his extended family. Whoever ran to my husband found a comfortable shade he could rest under. He was the tree in the middle of the house that provided shade during the day, a cover during the rain and also gave off air in the night when we slept.

COVID took away everything within a twinkling of an eye. Before COVID was the banking restructuring issues. He lost most of his investments. Before he could catch his breath, COVID swept him off his feet. He lost the cow that provided his milk; his job, his investments, his livelihood. He lost everything that made him a man. Our secondborn was still fresh in the cradle when this happened.

It’s hard to see a man cry but it’s harder to see a man have a sleepless night. He lost his snore. He tossed and turned in bed as if he was sleeping in a bed of thorns. I would hug him from behind, breathe on him and tell him, “I have your back. There’s nothing to worry about.”

He left home in the morning and came back in the evening just like he used to. He told me he went out looking for a job but I knew better. It might have been true but the real reason was that he didn’t want neighbors to know he had lost his job. He wanted to keep going until something happened. It took him two years to get a new job. His salary was not that much but it was twice mine. That should tell you how much I earn as a civil servant.

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A year later, just when we were about to break even, he lost that job too. He didn’t lose the job completely. Instead of being on a payroll, he was put on a contract renewable every year. He didn’t work every day. He was called as and when the company needed his service and was paid according to how much work he had done during the month. Some months he didn’t do anything so he was not paid. Again, he would dress up every morning and pretend he was going to work. He came back home early to pick up the kids from school.

I became everything in the house but couldn’t replace my husband. I could only give a quarter of what he could give us. That was even a struggle but the love we shared, the love we spread around the household never waned. We ate, we had shelter, we had life. We were grateful.

But at a point, I realized that the money in my purse was getting finished quicker than I expected. I didn’t count them at the end of the day so I didn’t know how much was being stolen. I asked him one day, “Do you take money from my purse?” He hesitated before he shook his head. I knew him long enough to know he was lying.

He couldn’t ask me for money. A man’s ego is something. He was too shy to ask so he stole from himself. What’s mine is his so if he steals from me, automatically, he steals from himself.

I gave him money for little things. For those things he couldn’t ask; barbering, transportation, lunch etc. I put it in his pocket and he found them. I also left money in my purse every day so he could steal from it just in case.

Last year, the company he was working for called him. They gave him an offer that brought him some flow of income. It’s what he’s hanging on to till now.

The problem with my husband is his education. He has technical abilities but no degrees to back that ability. He got his first job through his uncle and rose through the ranks until everything came crashing down. He was so comfortable he didn’t upgrade himself, that was his downfall.

All is not well as we speak but it’s not bad too. He has something doing that brings in money. I still have my job. We have our hands around each other, providing support and love and hoping things will be better in the future but my only wish is for him to get good at asking.

He Woke Me Up At 2am And Asked Me To Go To My Mother’s House

I wish he could understand that there’s no shame in asking for help from your wife. Instead of ‘stealing’ he should be vocal and say, “Sweetheart, can you do me a favour?” I will. I won’t shake my head. I won’t ask him what he wants it for. I will just give because what I hold in my hands is his. He has earned it through his good deeds but he won’t ask. He would rather tiptoe around, watch his back and see if I’m coming, then open my purse slowly and take GHC50. That breaks my heart. That’s my only problem now.

—Beatrice

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