If you ask me to describe myself, I would first state my age. I am thirty-seven. God blessed me with enough height. You could say I am very tall for a woman. I am chubby too, all soft and feminine to the core. Oh before I forget, I am a little crazy on the edges. Not in a bad way, I believe. Did I forget the big part of all this for me? I am single.

Although I have had a lot of success in other areas of my life; career, friendships, and every other thing I have attempted as a pass time, I never have any success when it comes to my romantic relationships. It’s not as if I am looking for a man to take care of my material needs. I am only looking for a man to give me warmth and love.

I am not the kind of woman who can make a move on a man I like. That’s just how I was raised.  When I moved into my current apartment, I realised that the guy who fixed my AC was easy on the eyes. Apart from his cuteness, he has a nice personality. He is also very funny. I liked him from our first encounter. I got the feeling that he liked me too. So I decided to create some opportunities for us to interact more.

Once in a while, even if there was nothing wrong with my AC, I would call him to come and look at it for me. He would come over and we would chat. All this while, I was expecting him to ask me out or at least, tell me how he felt. But he did no such thing.

Six months down the line, I would invite him over to come and help me pound fufu. I was doing all this but I am not someone who even likes fufu. Besides, I have a fufu machine so I didn’t need to pound fufu at all. I just wanted us to talk more and get to know more about each other. And of course, I wanted him to shoot his shot. However, we just hovered around each other without anyone saying anything.

We didn’t see each other very often. We spoke a day or two in a week or a month depending on how the timing aligned for both of us to be free at the same time. Honestly, if I could confess my feelings for him, I would have done it. I am just not in the position to make a move on a man even if I am crazy about him. I didn’t know what his reasons were for not coming forward as well, until this Saturday.

What happened this past Saturday? I was a guest at his engagement ceremony. He called me the next morning to say thank you. While he was talking he didn’t sound happy. I asked if there was a problem and he sighed heavily. “Aunty A.,” he breathed, “Do you know that I have liked you from the very first time I saw you? But I know you are not the kind of woman who will date a guy like me. You are way above my league. So I couldn’t tell you.”

I was a little hurt as I asked him, “Bra T., why didn’t you tell me? Because I have also liked you from the very first day we met. Most of the time when you come and check my AC, don’t you see that there is nothing wrong with it? That should have told you that I was bringing you around just to see you.” He also responded with hurt in his voice.

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He said he had really lost his opportunity. “The woman I married is not even someone I love. I met her only eight months ago and married her just because I was ready for marriage and she was available. I genuinely thought I had no shot with you.” I felt very bad about what he said so I hung up. I didn’t want to give him any ideas or give room for the conversation to continue. It doesn’t matter that it’s an engagement ceremony he held, it’s still a traditional marriage.

Now I am sharing this story because I want to believe there are people out there who aren’t with the person they like because of fear. Fear that they might get rejected. I want to tell the men out there that if you see a woman you like, don’t say she is way out of your league. Make the move. If she likes you, it won’t matter both your status in life. She will accept you as you are. And if she doesn’t accept you, you will know you tried.

It may seem times are changing, and that women are becoming progressive enough to say how they feel about men they like. Well, it’s not all of us who are like that. I am sure there is a crazy, successful, independent, thirty-seven-year-old single woman out there who is not looking for the luxury of a man but the warmth, companionship, love, and laughter that the man will bring into your life. Don’t say that she is not your level. Please, we are your level.

—Aunty A.

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