My husband and I are both devoted Christians and leaders in church. He is my first love. I got married a virgin, and he made me believe he was a virgin too, until a few years ago when he confessed his infidelity, including the fact that he had his first sexual encounter a few weeks before our wedding, he said a mutual friend of ours visited him unannounced and seduced him.

You could easily call us the best couple, and you wouldn’t be wrong. However, my husband has marred it all. He’s always had extra-marital affairs diplomatically. The type where nobody proposes anything, but the man and woman act like lovers without having sex. Whenever this happens, he abuses me emotionally, lies through his teeth and deprives us of utmost peace.

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A few years ago, he started one of those affairs with his colleague, a much younger woman. He tried hiding it, but I’m a woman. I asked him about it, and he lied through his teeth, saying I was looking for trouble where there was none.

I woke up one day with a feeling I couldn’t shake off. I felt I would die of an STI. I told him about it and asked him to come clean if he’d been intimate with any of the women involved in his emotional affairs. Again, he denied having been involved in any act of that nature.

Well, I got myself tested, and guess what? It came out positive. My whole world came crumbling down. I couldn’t pull myself together. That was when he confessed to having had a one-time sexual encounter with his colleague. That lady doubles up as a call girl, only that she doesn’t stand on the streets at night. She travels on weekends and holidays with important men in society, like my husband.

Leaving was not one of my options. You know, if I wanted to avenge the betrayal, the disregard for our marriage and our vows, the best way was to do it by his side, under the same roof.

My husband is a man who was deprived of a mother’s love as a child, hence he falls for you once you show him a little attention.

I love my husband deeply. He’s my first love, the one I’ve known in that regard, and I also care about him wholly. He says I’m all he’s got, but loving him is overwhelming. I am a woman with emotional needs too, and we have children who need their mother’s love and attention.

However, my husband wants it all and creates competition with the children and myself over my love and attention.

Has my husband changed? I doubt he ever will, though I admit he is trying. I have all it takes to leave this marriage and have a good life. We met in school, and both of us have grown. We’ve done 20 years, and in these 20 years, we have both risen to the pinnacle of our professions. I’ll be graduating with a PhD soon. He did that years ago.

God has been gracious to us. We live comfortably, without a need to check price tags when making purchases. He is not a bad person and definitely not a bad husband. He is a man who allows the pleasures of this world to take the better part of him.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

We have a good bedroom experience, though he is mostly passive, wanting me to come after him even in the bedroom. That is tiring, and I believe that is the reason he’s plunged us into this pretty mess. My soul knows I will walk out on my husband and this marriage when it matters to him most. However, as a Christian, my spirit knows without doubt that I have forgiven him, but I have not restored him to the place he holds in my life.

#IStayedAfterTheCheated

— Phillipa

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