The little flaw I found in her from the beginning was the way she talked. She didn’t know how to talk undertone. I used to tell her, “I can’t gossip with you, from the way you talk. Do you know how to whisper?”

You’ll whisper into her ears and the world will hear her whispering. You’ll say something to her in the spirit of gossip because the one you’re gossiping about is very close. By the time she talks back, the person would have heard us.

I told myself I would mould her. A step at a time and a piece of love each time she talks would help mould her. When she was too loud, I blinked. She would lower her voice but seconds later, her voice would go up again. She blamed it on where she was raised. Her parents, and the environment.

Her parents were fisher folks. They lived by the sea so the way they talked competed with the sea. They had to talk louder so the sound of the sea wouldn’t swallow their message. It became part of them, the way they talked. It became their identity, like a tattoo on their skin.

It wasn’t a problem for me until the later part of the relationship. I tried all I could to change her but the progress was slow. To make matters worse, she added a spice of confrontation to it. She didn’t know how to tackle issues calmly and quietly. When we had an issue, she would confront me about it. She would be loud. She would lace the loudness with insults, the village kind of insult; “Your nose like a damaged dawuro.” Or “Your head like a three weeks old banku.”

Sometimes I laughed until she started doing it publicly. I would blink. She would scream; “When I begin to talk, then you start blinking like a choobi in the supermarket.” Everything she said hurt. I told her, “You’re no longer a child. You no longer live by the sea. You don’t compete with the sound of the sea. Learn to bury the villager in you before it buries you alive. You don’t have to be the sea all the time, raging and destroying things. Be a stream. Peaceful.”

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We had a little misunderstanding. It wasn’t anything that should trigger this lady but she went hyper, throwing her hands around and giving me those village insults. I might have had enough or was frustrated so I also went into attack mode. I threw my hand and it hit her lips. She held her lips for seconds. She went to the mirror and screamed, “Have you seen what you’ve done to my lips? It’s swollen. Oh God, he has hurt me with his weapon hands.” She fought back but I didn’t respond. She hit but I defended my face with my hands so none of her hits landed.

In the evening, I had a call from a guy who introduced himself as a police officer. He said, “Do you know Esibo? She made a report of assault against you so you have to report to the station.”

“How?” I screamed. I called her number but she didn’t pick up the phone. When I got to the station, she was there. Immediately she saw me she screamed, “That’s him. Please arrest him. He’s a woman beater. If you don’t arrest him he’ll assault me again.” Everyone turned to look at me. I was embarrassed. I wish I could disappear. They took my statements and asked for someone to bail me out. I called a friend and he came immediately to bail me.”

Unbeknownst to me, the police officer was her friend’s boyfriend. This officer terrorized me until I asked him what I should do. Eventually, he took something from me and asked me to go and see Esibo with an elderly person and apologize to her. I did. That day, come and see display. But eventually, she told me she had forgiven me.

I didn’t hear from her for about six months. She blocked me on WhatsApp. Later, I heard she was dating one of the community guys. I had moved on and had vowed not to try to change a woman. I rather go for what fits my specs and move on from there.

I posted a photo on my status and she viewed it. Days later she called. She was still loud. My ear was itching listening to her scream on the phone. She said, “It’s been long. I’ve now realized my mistakes. Everyone I’ve spoken to said it was my fault. Kindly forgive me.” I asked, “So what’s the point of this apology? Why are you saying it now?” She answered, “I just want us to be friends again. I’m not saying we should date. Just friends.”

Call Your Ex And Ask Why It Didn’t Work Out Between You Two

I said OK and later blocked her at every turn. I didn’t hear from her again so maybe she got the message, that I don’t need a loud girl anywhere in my life. I’d found peace, a part of the sea where things were calm. No one screamed in my ears. No one told me my head looked like damaged dawuro. I loved it and wanted it to remain that way.

—Kingsley

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