It started on TikTok. I liked her pictures, went through her profile and slid into her DMs. We really hit it off after exchanging greetings. She was easy to talk to, so we talked pretty much about things happening on TikTok, the videos we reposted and all of that. We moved from TikTok to WhatsApp, and I made her my girlfriend.
There was something about her that just kept attracting me to her, and I just couldn’t let it go until I knew she was mine. I really love how kind she is to me, full of love, loves God and is outspoken too. That’s just about it.
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We have been dating for two years now. Our families are involved in our relationship now. She really hit it off with my parents. They liked her, and my mother was even starting to push for marriage. It is something that will happen, but for now, we are still putting things in order.
My first time meeting her family was civil. We shook hands, introductions were done, and there were jokes and laughter here and there. I left assured that they didn’t hate me. So, I could go to her end too, see her, spend time and leave. All my visits there have been very cordial and respectful.
Only that these days, things have really changed, and no, it is not my girlfriend giving me problems. It is her mother.
Let me tell you how.
I am an introvert. I like to sit in the corner of the room and quietly observe everything happening around me.
Her mother has said that she is no longer fully in support of our relationship because of my personality. “I am your in-law to be, but you don’t call or check on me, not anyone else in the family. That is not how it is done,” she said.
See, I’m naturally a quiet and reserved person, so I tend to keep to myself. Most of my communication has been with her daughter, whom I’m in a relationship with.
Her mother feels that this distance means that I’m not interested in building a relationship with the family. But that is not the case. I cannot come and be putting my nose in their business. It will take time for me to build a very intimate relationship with her family.
She said because I don’t talk to her that much, she cannot really tell what kind of person I am. That I have to be talking and be in constant communication with her so that she sees my heart and the plans I have for her daughter. That is the only way she can check whether they are good plans and not evil ones. If not, she can’t tell whether I will be a good partner to her daughter.
For example, when her daughter wants to visit me, her mother expects me to call her and let her know that her daughter would like to come and visit so that she can give her permission. First of all, I am sure my girlfriend tells her before coming, so what is the connection here?
I understand why her mother may feel this way, and I can see how nature might have given her the wrong impression. It was never my intention to make her feel disrespected, ignored or unwelcome. I don’t naturally communicate with people a lot. It is hard for me, especially when I’m not very close to them.
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That is where we are at the moment, and honestly, I don’t want the situation with her mother to negatively affect the relationship I have with her daughter. I care about her, and I want to handle the situation respectfully and maturely. So, where do I start?
— Bernard
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I was hoping to read what your girlfriend thinks or feels about her mom’s behaviour. I will advise you to continue keeping her at an arms length. Getting close to future in laws at this stage of the relationship will make things complicated. She will be all in your business and start demanding things from you. Don’t mind her.
@Mine, your comments are always full of wisdom 👍👏👏👏
It’s a big red flag on the part of her mother. My brother, maintain your boundaries with her family. You can check on her once in a while, allowing her too close with aim of proving yourself to your mother-in-law will mean her active involvement in your relationship with her daughter even after marriage.
In her entire life, hasn’t she met someone who says very little than you, but shows how serious they are through their actions and the one or two words they speak?
Please main Latin the boundary WAE!
The last part of my message, I meant that you should maintain the boundaries.
Don’t open yourself up for any unnecessary dramas and pressures.
Don’t ever try to be closer to the family especially the mother because some of them will take it as an advantage to talk to you anyhow and make unnecessary requests.