My girlfriend and I are in the same church. Her parents are well-known members of the church and are very well respected. Our church is very small, such that everyone knows what is happening inside the church. So when we started dating and it started becoming very obvious, we reported to our pastor, and he gave us a word or two. Normal chastity preaching, and he also congratulated us for finding each other in the church.

Somehow, Agnes’s parents got a hint of the relationship but didn’t ask any questions. After church, I would greet them, and they were very respectful towards me. When I visited them, they were kind to me. She still didn’t introduce me as her boyfriend.

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It was Christmas. My work gave us a lot of groceries, so I decided to share with them. When I took these things home, they were so grateful and thankful that that was the day Agnes’s dad asked me when I was coming home to marry her. Agnes was there. She responded, “But Dad, have I told you I’m dating him?”

He laughed and called us sneaky. “You think I don’t know? You haven’t told me, so I haven’t heard? I know what’s going on.”

That day, this man sat with me for several minutes, asking about my job and my dreams and if indeed I was serious about his daughter. I didn’t lie. I said it the way it ought to be said, that we were working towards marriage. He blessed the relationship and said he was going to pray for us to get there.

Agnes was working as a pupil teacher while I was in the private sector. My salary isn’t top of the world, but I supported her whenever the need arose. One day, Agnes asked for GHC 11,000. The amount was so huge and so specific that I started asking questions.

“What for, and why GHC 11,000? Are you going into the oil and gas business?”

She said it was her father who needed the money to start something small since his retirement benefit wasn’t anything to write home about. I didn’t have the money, and I wasn’t going to pretend I had it, so I told her it would be very difficult for me to raise such an amount. She asked me to try and meet her halfway. I still said I couldn’t.

Days later, I had a call from her father. He said, “My in-law, help your father. You’re not giving it to me for free. It’s a loan I’m going to pay in three months. Trust me.”

This is a fellow man, my girlfriend’s father, coming this low to ask for money. I knew there was a problem and I had to help. So I went to the office, took a loan of GHC 5,000, and added my personal GHC 2,000 to make it GHC 7,000. I handed the money to Agnes and said, “I can give him the GHC 2,000 for free, but kindly ensure he pays the GHC 5,000. That’s not my money.”

Three months later, I didn’t hear anything from them. I asked Agnes what was going on, and she told me to exercise patience. She was going to handle it. The man said he was going to use the money to better his life, but three months later, there was nothing to show for the money he took. Agnes told me he hadn’t started, so we should give him some time.

This man would see me in church and pretend he hadn’t seen me. I had to shout and jump in front of him before he would acknowledge seeing me. I realized all was not well, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Six months passed quietly, and nothing came from him. This time, I called him myself and asked respectfully. He said, “Oh, hasn’t Agnes told you anything? I’m putting the money together. You’ll have it.”

Seven, eight, nine months later, and still nothing. You would call him, and he would tell you one of his sons would send money, and once the money came, he would send it to me. According to Agnes, the money would come, and this man wouldn’t even remember he owed me.

A year later, and there was nothing from him. This time, I’d grown impatient and very angry. I reported it to my pastor, and he was like, “Ah, why did you give him such an amount? I can’t come into this issue, but you better let the money go.”

I wasn’t going to let it go like that. It was my own sweat, and I had to get it. This affected our relationship. I would see Agnes and get angry for nothing. She would tell me she was coming to my house, and I would tell her I wasn’t home.

One evening after work, I went to see him. Tempers were high because I’d heard him give me countless excuses. I told him this time I wasn’t going to accept excuses. He said, “Are you not ashamed that you’re doing this to your future father-in-law? Have you forgotten I’m the same man you will come to ask for my daughter’s hand in marriage? Are you sure you can come after doing all this to me?”

I answered, “That wasn’t the arrangement. You said three months, and it’s been over a year. Would you treat me the same way if I were your son?”

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It turned into an exchange of words. “I don’t have anything to give you. All the time you’ve been sleeping with my daughter, have I asked you to pay? Or you think that’s for free? Ask those standing by the roadside how much they charge.”

Eii, my own money ooo. Agnes came in and asked me to leave. She said she was going to pay me, so I shouldn’t ask about it again. When I was leaving the house that day, I didn’t know if I was ever going to return to it again. I was so angry that the love I had for Agnes came down to ground zero.

Agnes brought me GHC 2,000 at the end of last month as part payment, but I couldn’t, for the life of me, accept it. She knows something is missing from the love we once shared. It’s very bland these days. We hardly have great conversations. She doesn’t visit because I give her excuses. She’s not a child. She knows what’s going on. But the sad thing is, it’s not her fault. Yet, like her father said, I can’t go back and ask this same man for his daughter’s hand in marriage. I have too much pride to stoop that low.

He has no integrity, and I have no forgiveness for his kind. Some friends are telling me I should go for the bride price and deduct my money from it, but it’s not worth it. I won’t follow him to become the same thing I complained about. I hope we heal in the end and find a way around it so it doesn’t destroy our relationship.

—Amankwaa

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