In Level 300, I had a girlfriend. You could argue that she was too young to be my girlfriend, but I would say the heart knows better. She was in SHS Form 2, and I was madly in love with her. A year or so later, the feelings were still the same. We were so full of ourselves that one day, I got her pregnant.
That was when I understood what people meant when they said the journey to becoming a man was not easy. I had no idea how difficult life could become until then.
Her family knew about the pregnancy, and her elder sister was not a fan of mine. She argued that I was not financially capable of taking care of Abena and the unborn child. In a way, she was right. I was still a student, depending on my parents for my livelihood. Bringing a child into the picture was a huge responsibility, and I was nowhere near ready for it.
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The baby wouldn’t have seen the light of day if not for God’s faithfulness. As disappointed as my parents were, they were still very supportive of me. They decided to do right by me as their son and by the baby as their grandchild. Everything that concerned the baby from that point onwards became their responsibility. My only job was to study hard, pass my exams, be a present father to our child, and try to make a living for myself.
When our baby was just three months old, my mother took the child into her care so Abena could return to school and continue her education.
The plan was always for Abena to go back to school. It wasn’t going to be on my account that she lost the opportunity to get an education. So, when our baby turned three months old, my mother took over caring for the child so Abena could return to class. Just a few months later, I remember she was in her final semester of Form 3 when she came home one day and said she was taking the child to the hospital for a medical check-up. She left with the baby and disappeared.
She didn’t answer our calls, return them or reply to any messages. It was only later that we learned the baby was now with her own mother. She had taken the baby to her mother without informing any of us, not even me, the child’s father. We were all shocked. If that was what she intended to do, why didn’t she inform anyone, especially my mother? We were all worried sick.
Since then, things have become complicated. Her sister used to pick fights with us, but now she doesn’t even speak to anyone in my family.
I honestly do not know what the future holds for Abena, our child and me. Abena is now talking about marriage, but I have serious questions in my heart.
Should I go for my child, take responsibility as a father and move on with my life, or should I consider marrying Abena and rebuilding our relationship?
I believe marriage is not just about having a child together. It is about love, trust, understanding, respect and commitment. Having a child with someone does not automatically mean that the two of you are meant to spend the rest of your lives together.
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I want to understand what the right decision is. If you were in my position, what would you do? Would you choose marriage, or would you focus on securing your child’s future first?
I don’t know what game she’s playing at. Are we supposed to pretend the baby doesn’t exist or what?
One thing I know is that a child deserves love, care and the presence of both parents. But is having both parents together really that important?
—Nathan
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