If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

I got a lot of backlashes the day I posted my story here. Maybe I was misunderstood but I took all the comments in good faith. I wanted another perspective and I got too many of them. Most people said I was the problem. I was rather wasting the girls’ time and what have you. No, that wasn’t my intention. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t have proposed to her in the first place. I monitored her for so long before I even got the courage to go forward. I knew her strength. People told me she was a hard girl. Others said, “Samantha? Don’t dare. That girl will give you wahala and later leave you dry.” If I listened to gossip, I wouldn’t have gone forward in the first place but what was pushing me toward her was stronger than what was trying to stop me. It was stronger than what anybody thought of her so, I went forward and proposed. 

Honestly, I didn’t think of marriage as something that happens to me in just a month. Yes, I was going to get married eventually but it wasn’t something I planned of doing in the shortest possible time. She succeeded in bringing it into focus so I asked for time. A little bit of time to look at things from the perspective of marriage. She had seen something in me that told her I was good marriage material. I needed some time for myself to also see what makes her thick the marriage box. It was the reason I was asking for time. I’ve grown to also know that when people forcibly push for things, there could be a fire behind it. What was the fire? I needed to know. So, one day I asked the question, “Yes, we can marry tomorrow but what’s the worse that could happen if we do it in the next two years?”

She answered, “I don’t have that much time to wait. There are no guarantees. I can wait for two years and still get you to say no to me. I’ve been there before. I don’t want it to happen to me again. I love you., You say you love me. You’re a man who lives on his own. I’m a woman who takes care of her own shit. What’s there to wait for? If you’re not sure of me today, what will make you sure of me tomorrow? I better cut my losses and move than stay and get disappointed.” 

I picked only one phrase from her answer, “I’ve been there before.” People who usually say that operate from a position of fear and not from a position of knowledge. I asked her, “You’ve been there before. Are you scared I will take you to the same place again? You think marriage would prevent me from taking you to that place if that’s my intention?”

After the conversation, we agreed to take it a day at a time so we don’t make mistakes but most importantly, I assured her of my commitment and love. “There’s nothing to fear. True love has no fear. Didn’t the bible say that?”

For a whole month, she didn’t talk about marriage. I was relaxed around her and she was very relaxed too. One day she told me, “Do you know what I like about you?” I answered, “You haven’t told me. Tell me.” She said, “I like the way we talk through our problems. You’re never quiet when you see something wrong. I’m the kind who harbors things inside and explode one day. But you don’t give me anything to harbor within. It comes today, we address it today. Tomorrow, we are back to laughing again. I’ve never had it this way with anyone. Maybe it’s the reason I’m pushing for us to seal things. We match perfectly.” I scratched my head. I didn’t know how to respond to that. I said, “Thank you.” She asked me, “For what?” I answered, “For having something to like about me. I’ve never had it this way with anyone. No one tells me what they like about me but you did. So thank you.”

September 11th is her birthday. I chose that day to officially propose. I sent her a gift and spent the night with her. I woke up at dawn and knelt on one knee. I tapped her to wake up. She got up and sat on the bed looking at me. I proposed marriage. “Now I’m ready. Are you still available?” Maybe she wasn’t fully awake. She didn’t look like she knew what was going on. She asked, “What? Why are you on the floor? Did you hurt yourself?” I did the proposal again, “Are you still available?” She burst out laughing. “Would you be here in my room at this time if I wasn’t? Stop being silly.” 

She made a joke out of it but she got the idea. I went back to bed and she hugged me from behind. It wasn’t an ordinary hug. You know that hug that makes you feel like you’re being crushed but you love so you don’t complain? Yeah, that sort of hug. She whispered, “I knew you’ll make the right decision.”

When I first shared my story, I said she had bought our wedding rings and my wedding suit and had chosen our wedding colors and all. I asked her about it. “So where are the rings you said you’ve bought? I haven’t seen a suit here since I’ve been coming around. So what happened to the suit?” She laughed. “So you believed me? I’m sorry but it was all part of the pressure. How can I do all that alone without involving the man I’m going to marry? Unless I’m getting married to myself.” And then she laughed again.

But it was also refreshing to know that we were starting everything on a clean slate. We did the knocking in November. She told me it was the best day of her relationship life. “No one has come this close so when I saw you and your family, I told myself, wow, it’s happening.” We did the knocking and got the list. Right after I left her house she called me, “How is the list? If you think it’s too much to bear, we can discuss it.” I answered, “I got it. I’m the man.” But it got hard along the way. She came to my rescue on several occasions. After each occasion, she will tell me, “Write it down. When you get rich, which I know will be very soon, you’ll pay me.”

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In January we got married. And as I write this, I can confidently say that the best thing that happened to me in the last decade is marrying Samantha. The fear other people projected on me was that Samantha was going to take over the marriage and boss me around. ”A woman who has her own is difficult to handle, you should know that. You don’t have to be surprised if she doesn’t submit. She’s richer than you so how do you expect her to submit?” My good friend Eddy had this to say, “A man’s advantage in marriage is entrenched when his wife relies on him for everything. Immediately the reliance breaks down, the marriage suffers. Don’t go and mellow for her to step on you. She’s hard but prove to her that you’re tough.”

I didn’t go into marriage to show toughness. I was the one who knelt and asked her to marry me so why would I get up and pretend to be the toughest? All the fears they projected hadn’t come to pass. Like my counselor said, “Once a man loves his woman without reservation, submission is a given.” She does things before I ask. She doesn’t go ahead with any plan until my input is added. We are still young in marriage so I will blow my trumpet with care. But I also know what got us here. We talk through our problems. If we continue talking and solving, there’s no mountain we can’t climb.

She just walked in to serve me tea. I didn’t ask her but she did. She asked what I’m busily writing and I lied. She’s getting heavy by day but it was only last month that the test kit said she was positive. I don’t like the way she looked at me. Maybe, I’ve left her alone for far too long. I’ll end here and attend to what is important. Cheers!

–Jay

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