We are getting married soon. My boyfriend and I.  The knocking ceremony has been held, and preparations for the wedding are already underway. But lately, I have been having second thoughts about marrying this man.

I love him, but maybe love is not enough to go through with this marriage, especially after what I heard.

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People always say that if you see the signs and ignore them, you will later see the wonders. Maybe that is true. Or maybe I am just overthinking everything. Maybe I am reacting too quickly because calling off the wedding is the first thing that comes to my mind, when I should probably take my time and think things through properly.

I brought it up. It was a random thought I was having and decided to share with him to hear his thoughts since we were already spending time together. That is how we started discussing how it works and why it is important. I was learning from him, unlearning, and vice versa. Until he said something that completely changed the picture I had of him.

You know those moments when you think you know someone, then they share an opinion and suddenly you realise they may not be the person you believed they were? That was exactly what happened to me during that conversation.

“I already have next of kin for my bank accounts and my other stuff.”

The other stuff was what piqued my interest, so I inquired about it. But he turned around and started to ask me questions, “What do you need that information for?”

‘Well, I am going to be your wife. I need to know these things,’ I said in my head.

One of the things we are rolling out in the relationship is openness. We have promised to be honest with each other and not hide things from one another. So, I pressed further for an answer.

He said that it was something private that I can’t know. What do you mean, I can’t know? Is it a loan, an investment, is it a death trap? What are you getting yourself into?

It didn’t excite me when he said it, but I know you can force a horse to the river but can’t force it to drink water, so I was about to let the matter go when he added, “Even if you become my wife, you won’t have any right to know who I used as my next of kin.”

I looked at him in disbelief. Where did they change the laws and I wasn’t briefed?

“Are you saying that if we are married and I am filling out a form that requires a next of kin, I’m not supposed to tell my husband about it?” I questioned him.

He nodded and said yes. According to him, your next of kin is something only you should know. Even if he names me as his next of kin after we get married, he is of the belief that I should not be aware.

“These things are meant to be a secret. You also are at liberty to keep who your next of kin is away from me.”

I don’t know why, but it really ached my heart to hear him say something so outrageous with such confidence. It felt as though he had driven a knife straight into my heart and slowly twisted it.

I just sat there looking at him, imagining what my future would be like with a man who thinks this way.

Can I really marry a man who believes in keeping secrets from his wife? Will I be happy in a marriage where my husband only tells me what he feels I deserve to know?

If he can hide something as simple as the “other stuff,” what else will he decide I have no right to know?

These questions have refused to leave my mind.

I have honestly been thinking about ending this relationship and calling off the wedding, but I don’t know if I am overreacting.

So, I ask and really want to know if this is how marriages work these days. When the Bible said, “the two shall become one,” did He change it again? Or have we humans decided again to twist it ourselves?

He has nothing to lose. This will be his second marriage. He has two children. His past has never been an issue for me. I mean, no one walks into a marriage wanting it to break. It’s life, it happens, so why should I hold it against him? I came to love him and accepted his flaws wholeheartedly. He is educated, well learned, the kind of man who can hold a conversation about anything. But this thinking, this way he has drawn a line in the sand about what I can and cannot know, is causing an issue. A deep one.

I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone

But now my instincts are telling me something is not right. There is a reason I found him divorced.

—Nanette
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