We got a divorce two years ago. Yeah, we could have worked things out if we had thought through them properly, but both of us were tired. My wife was feeling the burden because, for the better part of our marriage, I wasn’t working, and she felt the financial pressure. I could fully understand it, so I tried to do my best around the house to help her get through the day. Still, nothing was enough.

If I didn’t change the boy’s diapers, every good thing I did got erased and was replaced by nagging about why I didn’t change the diapers. I could wash, clean, cook, and still fail to do one simple thing, and that was what my wife would use to accuse me all week. I was trying to get a job, but I was also trying to help in the house too.

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And then a man entered the frame. My wife got too comfortable with a man I thought wasn’t good for our marriage. I talked about it. She called me insecure. I complained about it, and she said I should find a job and stop complaining, but somehow, this man kept coming into our conversations.

One night, we had a full-blown fight, and she told me, “I’m tired of all this. Why don’t we go our separate ways when we can’t seem to agree on a simple thing?”

I didn’t take that seriously, but the next thing I knew, she was talking to her family about divorce and how I’d become a burden. Her mother already didn’t like me. Her dad treated me like a man would treat another man, warm and respectful, but when it came to me and his daughter, he always took his daughter’s side.

While we were talking about divorce, I got a job. I thought that would soften her stance, but that was exactly when she packed her things and left the house for me. It was tactical. We had only three months left on our rent. She might have thought about that and left so I would also find a place to live instead of her renewing the rent with me.

Once she went to her father’s house, she started working on the divorce. I didn’t have a say. Her mom wouldn’t allow me into the house to even see my son. She always told me the issue was in court, so until the court granted me access to see my son, I couldn’t see him. My wife, after I begged her for several days, would bring him out for me to see him and say hello.

After going up and down for almost a year, the divorce was granted. We didn’t have anything to split except the marriage and the hearts we intertwined during it. I was given days I could see my son and where to see him.

Life was very hard for me afterwards. I was heartbroken, I must say. She wasn’t a bad woman. She took care of me while I was unemployed. Yes, she was overly demanding of me, but I didn’t count it against her until that man came between us. If she had only agreed to cut ties, we would have been better.

I couldn’t pay rent immediately, so I moved back home to stay with my parents. I knew I could get comfort from home. I knew I could count on my mom to talk to me all day and try to make me laugh. I knew I could count on my dad to tell me life would be better and that I shouldn’t worry. I knew my little sister would annoy the hell out of me.

I was with them for over a year. Even when life stabilised for me, I still stayed with them. I would go and see my kid or sometimes bring him home to bond with him and return him after the weekend. Because of our son, we got to meet often, and when we met, there was no acrimony, just respect and a cordial relationship. I came to love the relationship we had. It was even working better than our marriage.

She would ask me how work was, and I would ask her the same. Sometimes, we would laugh when the situation was light. That had been the situation until recently, when I went for the boy and she asked me, “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

We left their house and went to a quiet place. She said her pastor had interpreted a dream she had been having for the past year. Her pastor said her life, that of the boy, and mine wouldn’t go anywhere until we returned to our marital home and provided a better cover for the boy.

I asked if she believed it, and she said, “I’ve had that dream for over a year, and truthfully, look at my life and yours. Is it any better? At our age, we still live with our parents.”

I laughed. I told her mine was a choice. She also said hers was a choice, but why would we make such a choice at our age when we should be manning our own home?

I asked, “So what are you implying?”

She said, “Let’s go and speak to the pastor. He’s also a counsellor. Let’s listen to what he has for us.”

I didn’t want to go, but each time we met, she talked about it. She said, “I’m not forcing us to come back together. Just let’s go and listen, and then from there, you can decide for yourself.”

So I went with her to see this man of God. He held our hands, and we prayed. Immediately we sat down, this man of God told me stories about my life from when I was young and even what my father went through at some point in his life. Stories I haven’t shared with anyone.

And then he said, “God doesn’t force his opinion on people. He gives us free will to choose so he can judge us. For him to reveal all this to you means he loves you so much. Think about it.”

I’ve never had such an encounter in my life before. I’ve heard of people travelling to look into their destiny, but it looks like my destiny was brought to me while I was sleeping.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

Taking my wife back after everything we’ve been through seems very daunting and scary. That man is nowhere to be found. She swore nothing happened between them, but I feel she chose that man over me, and that feeling hasn’t left my heart.

There’s what the prophecy says, and there’s what I feel in my heart and soul. I wish everything would remain like this, but to what end? I’ve been grappling with this thought for so long that I’m losing weight.

Sometimes, I’m scared of what society would say after everything I said following our divorce. So I’m here, talking to you as the same society that watches and judges.

What would you say if I went back to my wife?

—Ephraim

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