I met Obaa when I was in one of the secondary schools in the Eastern region. Her house was close to my school so whenever I had a little opportunity to slip into town to get something, I used the road in front of her house. Sometimes I would see her in front of her house and wave at her, other times too our paths would cross and we’d exchange pleasantries. There were also times I would go for weeks without setting my eyes on her. After a while, my friends noticed my interest in her and started referring to her as my girlfriend. Thankfully, she was a second-year student at a school in the town next to mine, so she never heard the names my friends called her to tease me. 

When I completed school, I left for Accra to live with one of my uncles so I no longer saw Obaa. The next year I enrolled in the polytechnic to begin an HND program. I was also working a part-time job and balancing it with school. It was when I had closed from work one evening that I met Obaa holding a bunch of pamphlets. Initially, I wasn’t sure it was her so I shouted “Obaa”, and she turned. She was surprised to see me just as I was to see her. We spoke for some time, and she told me, “I am living here with my elder sister so that I can attend remedial school and better my grades.” We exchanged contacts and started calling each other that day.

Our conversations were never boring. We talked about our past experiences in school, and we exchanged the latest gossip in our current schools. We became very close to the extent that she started visiting me at my uncle’s place. We went out on weekends and spent a lot of time at fun places; the movies, the beach, and bars. It was during one of these weekend dates that I asked her to be my girlfriend. She said yes immediately, and that began our relationship. 

We were inseparable. Obaa would travel to see her parents in her hometown but would return the same day, just to be with me. My whole got to know her and became fond of her. When I was in my final year at the Polytechnic, I moved out of my uncle’s house and got a place for myself. This gave her the opportunity to visit me on weekends and help me do my laundry, and clean my place. When I completed school, I set up a business and it was doing well. Obaa also completed her remedial courses and did very well, but she opted to look for a job instead of furthering her education. 

One weekend, she came to tell me asking for a favour. She said, “I need an urgent loan from you to clear a car my uncle sent to me. I promise I will pay you back as soon as I sell the car.” I asked how much she wants, and she said GHC40,000. I nearly choked on my spit, “Eii Obaa, whoever told you I have that kind of money lied to you. As a young man who has just started life, I have never seen that money before.” This girl called me a liar and had a heated argument with me. Before she left my place she said, “If you won’t give me the money I will go and take it from Joe.” Joe is a guy I went to secondary school with. I didn’t even know he and Obaa knew each other until she mentioned him that day.

I called her several times after she left my place but she never answered my calls. If I tried with another number she would hang up the moment she heard my voice. Five months later, I got a text from Joe. I opened it to find a wedding invitation. He was getting married to Obaa. My heart nearly skipped a beat. I thought I wasn’t seeing it properly, so I read it over and over again, but it wasn’t a joke. It was real. 

I became very confused. I asked myself, “Is she doing this to spite me or has she been with Joe all along? Well, the wedding came on but I didn’t attend it. In 2009, which was a year after she left me, I got a call from a man who introduced himself as a “connection man” He wanted to meet with me and discuss his intentions to help me travel to the US. I asked why, and how he knew me. He told me a friend of mine in the States had asked him to help me. He wouldn’t tell me who it was, so I rejected his offer. That was when he told me it was Obaa. It didn’t make sense to me but I didn’t have any way of contacting her to find out the truth so I let it go. 

A month later, she called me with a foreign number. She apologized for how she left things between us and said, “That is why I want to make it up to you by helping you to leave Ghana. I have a solid plan in place, trust me.” Before I could ask her any questions she hung up. I didn’t hear from her for some time but I ran into her husband a few times. One afternoon, Obaa called me again. She sounded very excited. She said she found me a perfect girl. She spoke at length about this girl named Tasha, and how amazing she was. She sent me her photos. Apparently, Tasha is a Ghanaian who moved to the US with her family when she was a child. I tried to tell Obaa I wasn’t interested but she said, “Tasha will be visiting Ghana soon. If you make her acquaintance now and she comes to Ghana, you two can meet. From there you can marry her and move to the US. I told you I have a solid plan. Expect a call from her soon.” Then she hung up.

Just as she said, Tasha called me. She sounded nice so I couldn’t;t shut the whole thing down. We got acquainted in no time and started speaking regularly. We could speak for long hours, sometimes deep into the morning. This continued for months, and we got to know each other well enough to even know when one is at work or not to initiate a conversation. She told me later she was planning to come into the country to visit her family, and also for us to cement our relationship. I was very elated about her decision and even called Obaa to inform her about it. She told me she knew about Tasha’s plans already and that she was happy for me. She even said, “You are all she talks about. Sometimes I even get jealous.” I laughed it off, thinking it was a joke. 

After that conversation, I stopped hearing from Tasha. I called her for weeks but no response. I asked Obaa about her and she said she didn’t know what was going on. Three weeks later, I had a call from Tasha. She was very angry. She said I didn’t tell her that Obaa was my girlfriend. I tried to explain to her that she was wrong but she wouldn’t listen to me. She said, “You are a liar. Obaa showed me pictures of you two together. Why did you do this?” Whatever I said didn’t matter to her. She was done with the relationship.

I confronted Obaa to inquire why she did what she did. Her answer was that she was jealous of the way Tasha was bragging about me to other girls any time they met. I told her, “But this whole thing was your idea, and I genuinely like this girl. I hope you are happy that you broke my heart once again, while you go on being happily married with kids.” I stopped talking to her after that and even blocked her lines. She called me with different numbers but I hung up whenever I heard her voice.

One day a friend of mine advised me to hear her out whenever she calls, so I gave her the opportunity to explain her actions. She told me she was sorry for all that happened and that she couldn’t watch another woman take me away from her. I was shocked and couldn’t wrap my mind around what she was saying. I asked her, “Are we dating and I am not aware?” She answered, “You know I still love you.” I hung up immediately and changed my number. 

Somewhere in 2014, a friend called to tell me she saw my woman in town and that she was looking very good. By then I was dating my wife and we were about to get married so I thought she was the one my friend was referring to. I was wrong. It was Obaa, my ex, who was back in the country due to an overstayed visa. This lady was able to comb around to get my number from only God knows who and started calling me. A voided her for many years, but one day I picked up her call unknowingly. We had a short conversation, and she requested that we meet.

READ MORE: My Fiancée Is Pregnant With Her Ex’s Baby, And She Is Hiding It From Me

I told her, “I am a married man now, Obaa. I can’t meet you.” But she pressured me for a long time till I finally agreed to meet her at a popular pub on one of the beaches in town. After our meeting, she somehow convinced me to show her where I lived. Since then this lady has never stopped disturbing me with unannounced visits and late-night calls. She doesn’t care that I live with my wife. She would just drop by and say, “Oh, I was in the neighbourhood so I decided to say hello.”  This has persisted for a long time and I have even threatened to report her to her husband but she won’t back off. 

She is acting as if I belong to her and it is scaring me. I panic when my phone rings, and when someone comes knocking on my door. Most importantly, I am afraid that my wife will find out that she is my ex. For now, she thinks Obaa is an old classmate because that’s how I introduced her. How do I go about this without disappointing my wife and also get this lady off my back? 

— Kwame

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Please email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG

#SB