Our breakup was very sudden. No one saw it coming, including me. We shared a bed the night before, but the next morning she called and said the pressure was too much, so she wanted to call it quits. She was almost crying. I asked, “Where is the pressure coming from?” Amid tears, she said, “My mom. My dad. Everybody. You’re also not ready, and there’s nothing I can do.”

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Her parents were pushing her into the arms of their friend whose son lived abroad. When she was young, the father of the guy told her parents that their children would marry. Now that she had reached the age to marry, they pressured her to marry him.

We had only been in a relationship for close to a year. I wished life had been better. I wished I had even achieved a quarter of my dreams. I would have married her the very next day, but I had nothing going for me except dreams and hopes. It broke our hearts, but I couldn’t force the hands of her parents. Our relationship ended while she transitioned into a new one with the guy abroad.

We still talked occasionally. It was always emotional whenever we spoke about our past. I wanted her back and made it obvious, but she stood strong and said no to me. She cut the cord, and for a very long time we said nothing to each other. A year or so later, I heard she was getting married.

I thought I had moved on. I believed it would no longer hurt after a year, but news of her marriage touched the place that hurt the most. I blamed poverty. I blamed delayed dreams. I promised myself I would do better so I wouldn’t lose out again the next time I found what I loved.

Again, I thought I had moved on months after hearing about her marriage until she called me one day with the softest voice I had ever heard.

“Nelson, is that how to dump someone who was once everything to you?”

We ended up talking from afternoon until midnight. We shared stories of the heartbreak we both felt when our relationship ended, and I was shocked to learn that she had been hurting just as much as I had. She said, “Now they are happy that I got married, but I’m the one facing the challenges.”

Her husband had returned abroad right after the marriage with a promise to come back soon and take her along. A year later, they were still living apart. According to her, sometimes they could go for days without speaking, and when they finally did talk, it never lasted more than ten minutes because he was always tired or had just returned from work and wanted to sleep.

She blamed me for not being able to marry her. I accepted the blame and told her that in our next life I would fix it. All that talk led us into the darkest corners of our emotions. One night, she came to my place, and it happened.

Afterward, she told me how much she regretted it and how she didn’t even know how to look at herself in the mirror. She said, “I shouldn’t have done it with you when I’m married. I feel very terrible.”

Well, I felt just fine, even though I knew we had done something very wrong. After that, we stopped talking. I think she even blocked me so she could concentrate on healing from the regret.

Weeks later, she called me to say she was pregnant. She said it so calmly that I thought she was joking. I replied, “Liar!”

A few seconds later, she sent me pictures of the test kits. She had done the tests three times on different days. She told me, “I’m just telling you so you know, but leave the rest to me.”

“How?” I asked.

“You’re going to be a father,” she answered, “but there’s no cause for alarm.”

Then she blocked me again.

I ran around looking for her. I went to her house and later took her somewhere quiet where no walls could hear what we were saying. I begged her to terminate the pregnancy.

She said, “Let it go when I don’t know when I’ll have another one? Never!”

She is thirty-six. She felt time was running out, and if the pregnancy would help her get out of the marriage quickly, then so be it. Nothing I said could change her mind. She promised she wouldn’t mention my name, but when the storm settled, I should appear for the baby.

As I write this, she is five months pregnant. She hasn’t called to tell me what is going on. She has blocked me everywhere I could reach her. She said she would weather the storm until things calm down before allowing me to appear.

I loved her, and I still do, but everything about this situation feels wild and unpredictable. I don’t think her father would ever forgive me, and I doubt her mother would ever call me her son-in-law.

I Left Him Because He Didn’t Help In The Kitchen

Sometimes I think about her and wonder how she is coping. How she is dealing with the shame and everything being thrown at her. I have used different phone numbers to call and ask how she is doing. She simply says, “I’m fine,” and then cuts the line.

I thought my life was complicated until she came back into it the second time. Because of her, I am now looking for a new job. I am saving everything I earn. I am making hay even though the sky is cloudy.

I don’t know how this will end, but one thing I know for sure is that I am going to be a father. And I refuse to be the kind of father who wasn’t there.

—Nelson

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