Richmond and I attended the same JSS in the Central Region of Ghana. He was older than me and had affection for me back then, but I was young and didn’t understand anything about true love.

After we completed school in 2003, I moved to Accra to stay with my mother, while he remained in the Central Region. Phones weren’t common in those days, so we lost touch.

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Years later, when Facebook became the main way to reconnect with old friends, we found each other again. At the time, I was in a relationship that wasn’t going well. So I tried to rekindle things with Richmond, but I had reservations. He had travelled abroad, and there was no clear plan for when he would return. I didn’t want to wait for a man who might not come home to me. This drove me to end the relationship. 

Out of fear, I ended the relationship.

About a year later, I got married. He also got married. But we stayed in touch. We shared our struggles and helped each other through difficult times. I liked the friendship. He also told me that talking to me helped him through the challenges in his marriage. Although I knew we couldn’t be together, I was happy that we could be there for each other.

Unfortunately, the problems in my marriage became too difficult to bear. After my divorce in 2020, I tried to move on. I entered a relationship with a guy who seemed like a breath of fresh air, but that one too didn’t work out. Throughout this period, Richmond and I remained in touch. 

He often told me how unhappy he was in his marriage. “My wife is always up to some drama. She treats me as if I mean nothing to her,” he would vent. Sometimes his complaints implied that he wished he had married me instead. Whenever he spoke like that, I always advised him not to break his home because of me. But he never agreed. “My love for you is not something I can forget,” he would tell me.

Earlier this year, he texted to say he was in Ghana for a program, and since then, we’ve been chatting and talking more. In June, he told me he would be going to the Central Region. “Do you want to come along? It would be nice to see you after all these years.”

I thought it was a good idea. So I took three days off work and went along with him. When I arrived, he had already booked a hotel for me. He didn’t stay there with me. He came around and spent time with me in the evenings. We spent time talking about the good old days.

22 years after JSS, we made love on one of the nights. Throughout our time together, he kept saying, “Why didn’t I marry you? They’ve used me to get what they wanted.” I had so many questions, but didn’t know how to ask them.

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He told me, “I want to marry you.” I made it clear that I didn’t want to be a second wife, but he kept insisting, “Even though I will marry you second, you will always be my first wife in my heart.”

When my time was up, I returned to Accra, but he stayed in the Central Region for another week. After that, he came to Accra to meet me and my mother, and to see where I live. He told me again that he still loves me, and that he’s ready to do everything for me. “You don’t have to worry this time around. I will surely come back for you.”

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He returned to the States the next day. We haven’t broken communication since then. We chat every day. Before leaving, he made me promise that I would wait for him for a year. I agreed, but now I am worried. 

What if things get better between him and his wife? Won’t he leave me then? I would have wasted an entire year of my life waiting in vain. He too told me he has concerns. He said I might find someone else and marry before he returns. Whatever the case is, I want to know if this whole thing is a good idea. I love him but I don’t want to mess up. 

—Danielle

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