Jude is twenty-seven, and I’m twenty-five. We’ve been dating for the past four years. Last year, I introduced him to my parents. I was very specific that he was the man I was going to marry. My dad asked if he was ready to marry me, and he said yes with a big smile. My dad gave us his blessing and gave us a few pieces of advice to keep us going.

This year, he decided to take me home, but anytime he fixed the date, he later changed it. His father fell sick, and he wanted the man to heal completely before we went to see them. Unfortunately, the man died. At his funeral, he introduced me to his siblings and later introduced me to his mom. The woman didn’t have the eyes to look at me, and I could understand her. She had been crying.

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After the funeral, before we left town, he took me to see his mom again, greeted her, and later said our goodbyes. In my mind, the woman knew me, and it was just a matter of time before she welcomed me home as her daughter-in-law.

Jude went home and came back days later to tell me he had told his mom he was going to marry me very soon, and his mom took my number, so I should expect her call. I even asked for her number to call her myself, but Jude asked me to be patient.

Days later, I got a call. She introduced herself as Jude’s mother, and all of a sudden, I switched to full respect mode. She said slowly, choosing her words one after the other, “My son is too young to marry. Don’t force him to marry you when he’s not ready. If you’re in a hurry, go and look for a man who’s ready.”

I looked at the number again, as if I wasn’t sure who I was talking to. She asked, “Can you hear me?”

I responded, “Please, Mom, I’m not forcing…”

She quickly cut in, “I’m saying he’s not ready to marry you. That’s the bottom line. I didn’t call to exchange words with you.”

When she cut the line, I called Jude. He was equally shocked that his mom would tell me that. He said, “But that’s not what we agreed on. Why would she call you and disgrace me like that?”

Later, he called to ask for calm. He said the death of his dad was making his mom unstable, so I shouldn’t take things to heart. I agreed and even started laughing about it.

A few days later, she called again. “So you didn’t listen to me when I talked. You’re still pushing my son to marry you. Was your father married when he was twenty-seven? Why are you trying to disturb my family? Leave us alone.”

I didn’t try to say anything back to her. After she was done, she cut the call. Again, I called Jude to tell him, and he went mad. He asked me to block her, but I said that wasn’t a good idea, so I kept her number while she called occasionally to insult and threaten me whenever she wanted.

She called to tell me I was with her son because of money. I’m working, and our relationship is everything but financial. She called to tell me that since I forced her son to marry me, he doesn’t send money as he used to.

“You’re not married to him, but already he’s beginning to starve me. Do you know how I’ve suffered to raise this child? You want to reap where you’ve not sown.”

I got the message, so I told Jude not only to send money to her monthly, but once in a while, he should send more and also buy clothes for her just because. He heeded my advice and started doing more, but this woman didn’t stop calling to abuse me.

“My husband is dead. Jude is the only man I have left in my life, and you want to take him away? You won’t succeed. Over my dead body.”

Jude loved me, and it showed, but he began to suffer. His eyes sank. Sometimes, it looked like he hadn’t slept for days. He kept pleading with me not to give up on him while he tried calming his mother down. It looked like every attempt he made ended on the rocks, including bringing respectable members of the family to talk to her.

One late evening, I had a video call from Jude’s mom. I thought it was even a mistake, but when I picked up, she said, “Look into my hand. What do you see?”

I didn’t answer, but it was schnapps I saw. She put the camera on the eggs on the floor and said, “I’m going to call on all the gods of my family to be my witness that I’ve warned you, but you didn’t listen. The next time you take money from my son, may it not end well with you, your family, and the next generation.”

She poured the schnapps and smashed three eggs. She showed me everything live and clear. And then she said, “If you’re a woman like me, go and collect his money.”

I took a screen recording and sent it to Jude. I said, “Your mom is relentless. I don’t think she’s going to stop, so let’s stop and give her peace. The drama is too much. I’m a young woman. I can’t die because of this.”

He came to my place, called his mom, and put her on loudspeaker. The exchange was heated between them. Jude shouted, “What do you want from me that I don’t give you? Wo dua bo! What do you want from her? Did anyone treat you this way when you wanted to marry Dad?”

She retorted, “Stand there and be running your mouth. You’re lucky I didn’t add your name to the curse, but try me and I’ll start the whole thing afresh.”

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I saw what our relationship was causing, so I told him it was over. This time, I wasn’t asking him to give me a break. I was taking it. I was the one walking away.

He pleaded. He asked for more time. He said he could get his mom to reverse the curse. He said his world would come to an end without me in it.

I love him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but at this moment, I have to guard my precious life before his mom ends it for me. Leaving him is choosing life. Being with him is also life.

Where do I go? Left, where there’s his mom, or right, where there’s only me doing this awkward life all by myself?

—Jemimah

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