I am a 28-year-old mother raising my 2-year-old son. I did not end up marrying my son’s father because he had major character issues that made a future together impossible. We both moved on, and luckily, he remains very active and responsible in taking good care of our son. A good boyfriend he wasn’t, but a good father he is, and I am really glad about that.

After we split, I really lost interest in dating. My kind of heartbreak was the one kind that made people scream, “Men are scum!” and some even resolve to become nuns. I wasn’t sure that dating was ever going to cross my mind. My plan was to focus entirely on raising my child before even thinking about getting into another relationship.

About three months ago, that changed. I met a man who works at an audit firm I was hoping to join. What started as simple professional guidance quickly turned into personal interest, and he made it clear he wanted to build a serious future with me. We began some sort of friendship.

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He shared that he was divorced with a 10-year-old daughter. We had long conversations about his past marriage, what caused the divorce, and where we both were in life. Two months after meeting, we officially started dating.

Normally, the early months of a new relationship are full of excitement, non-stop talking, and effort from both sides. But my experience is different. My boyfriend can go an entire week without calling or sending a single text message. I prefer communicating through regular phone calls, so I brought this issue up to him three weeks ago. He apologized and promised he would do better.

Before a recent trip, I told him a week in advance that I would be traveling for a few days and gave him the exact date I would return. He did not reach out once while I was gone. Not even once did he call to check up on me, whether I arrived, whether I checked into my hotel, how the trip was, or how I was doing. Nothing. Not even a missed call from him.

I was very disturbed about it. A few days after I got back, I called him. Notice I said I called him, and yes, I asked why he didn’t check up on me. He said, “It’s your fault. You didn’t tell me when you were leaving. How was I supposed to know you weren’t around?” He didn’t apologize or say anything. He just threw the blame back at me. Once again, he apologized and promised to work on his communication skills.

To his credit, he is very respectful, honors me, and goes out of his way to support my son when needed. But his total lack of consistent communication makes me feel like I am just someone filling a temporary void in his life whenever it happens to be convenient for him.

When you love someone, you talk to them. You want to know what is happening. In a relationship like ours, it is even more important that we talk. How hard is it to communicate with someone you love?

The communication issues are not the only red flag. He also lied about his age. He initially told me he was 38 years old. That seemed off to me based on the age of his daughter, so I probed further, and he changed his story to 41. Shortly after, since I work in a financial institution, he asked me to check his account details for him. When I looked at the official national ID attached to his file, his actual age was revealed as 45 years old.

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I have not confronted him about the age difference yet, and his poor communication habits have not improved at all. The age gap makes me wonder if our communication styles are too far apart, but the dishonesty is what concerns me most. Thankfully, we have not been intimate, which makes walking away much easier. I want to exit this relationship while it is still fresh, but I am asking myself if I am overthinking things or if this is something I should just let go.

— JANET
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