Nick came into my life at a time when I was praying and trusting God for a life partner. I wanted a man who would love and adore me. Not someone who would waste my time with many years in a relationship only for it to end in tears. No, I was done with all that. This time around I was ready to make the big jump. That’s why I wanted someone who was ready to settle down. That way everything in the relationship would be geared toward marriage.

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That’s why Nick felt like an answered prayer. He found me in my season of waiting. At that time, there were two other men who proposed marriage to me. I wasn’t sure about them so I kept asking to show me a sign. Then came Nick who felt as sure as the next sunrise. My heart felt at peace with him.

The two other guys were my exes anyway, so I decided, “Why go back to my past when I can start on a clean slate with someone new. That’s how I cut the two men off and focused on Nick.

Everything seemed fine with him at first. New love has that effect. I would look at him and ask myself, “Where has he been my entire life? He should have found me earlier. Then I wouldn’t have to keep one or two frogs before meeting him.”

As my familiarity with him grew, I started to see things differently. I saw little flaws in him that my two exes didn’t possess. I am not proud to admit this but I started to compare him to them, in ways that were unhealthy for our relationship.

I felt he was the one but my heart couldn’t fully settle with him because he was different from my previous loves. It didn’t help matters when we started having intimacy. He finished too quickly and often left me unsatisfied. Although I wasn’t happy, I tried not to let it affect us too much but over time, our connection faded. Without anyone’s fault, we lost touch.

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I thought that was the end of us but Nick came back to me after many months. This time, it felt different, almost like I was truly falling for him. That feeling didn’t last. A few weeks later, the same old things resurfaced. He still couldn’t satisfy me. As much as I faked it, I was not happy. The worst part was when I realised that I didn’t respect him. Without respect, then what was the point of it all?

For the sake of his sanity and my peace of mind, I broke up with him. Though our relationship seemed good on paper, I believed it was better to walk away and let him find someone who would appreciate him for who he was than for me to waste his time.

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I felt bad for him when he kept asking me what went wrong but I also felt relieved that I set him free.

Now weeks have passed since the break-up and I find myself asking if I rushed in leaving him. Was there a chance that things would have changed if I was just a little bit patient with him?

—Simone

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