My Boyfriend Treats Me Like a Queen, But I’m Afraid I’ll Die in Childbirth If I Marry Him

I moved in with my boyfriend because the apartment I rent close to school has constant electricity and water problems. My country is not exactly known for a stable power supply, and living without light and water became exhausting. That was the major reason I decided to stay with him.

I like him. I really do. If you ask me, he is almost everything I have ever wanted in a man. He is the kind of man every woman prays for. He is sweet, he keeps his word, he stands up when I walk into a room, and he treats me with so much respect. He is mature, communicates well, and whenever we have a misunderstanding, he makes sure we settle it before we sleep, no matter who is at fault.

He works with a company and earns about 450,000 Nigerian naira every month. In his family, he is the breadwinner; everyone comes to him with their problems. With that money, he was able to help his sister through the university. I know he saves 150,000 naira monthly into a daily savings scheme with his colleagues at work, so we are left with about 300,000 naira to survive on. The truth is, that amount can barely feed us comfortably for a month. I almost always have to step in, support him, and carry us through until the next salary comes.

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I love this man with everything in me. He is serious about me, wants to marry me, and wants us to build a family together. Yet, there are days when I sit quietly and wonder if I can really marry him. It is not because he is a bad man, and it is certainly not because I do not love him.

I think about the future. When we eventually get married, how will he take care of our family? If we have children, there will be food, clothes, school fees, hospital bills, and countless responsibilities. Right now, he can barely provide for the two of us alone, so how will he manage when our family grows?

I dream of being financially independent, and I want to be the kind of wife who supports her husband. At the moment, I am trying my hands at crypto and anything legitimate that can help me escape poverty because I know exactly what it feels like to grow up with nothing.

My father died when I was seven. It was my mother’s daily business that held us together, but it fell apart and it hasn’t recovered financially since then. I come from a poor family. My mother and my younger brother both look up to me, and I know how difficult life has been for us.

I want my children to enjoy the things I never had. I am not looking to marry a man who has already made it big. I genuinely want to build with my husband, but I also want a man who is financially stable enough to carry the basic responsibilities of a family.

Throughout the eight months we have been dating, I have randomly bought him little gifts about three different times. It was not his birthday or a special occasion, but because I would see something like a nice fez cap and immediately think it would look good on him. Every single time, he would be overjoyed and tell me that none of the women he dated before had ever bought him anything, not even on his birthday.

Quietly, I waited for him to return those little gestures, but they never came. I am not asking for expensive gifts. It could be a bracelet, a scarf, a simple piece of jewellery, or anything thoughtful. For me, it has never been about the price. It has always been about the thought behind it.

Maybe my ex raised my standards. He was a provider. I bought him gifts occasionally, but he gave me even more. He surprised me often, bought me things without me asking, and never expected me to spend on him. He was only twenty-six and was not financially stable either, but he always tried his best. If he ever borrowed money from me, directly or indirectly, he made sure he paid it back. He could sacrifice his last card just to make me happy.

But life happened and we broke up. That is how I ended up with my current boyfriend.

I am not a demanding woman. I take care of most of my needs myself, and I hardly pressure my boyfriend because I know his family already places enough pressure on him.

Sometimes I wonder what marriage would look like. If we eventually get married, will he be able to provide for my needs? I am not talking about luxury. I mean the simple things a husband should comfortably be able to do. Of course, I will make my own money, support him, and contribute to our life whenever necessary. I simply want a man who can also carry his own responsibilities and even be in a position to help my family when necessary. I honestly do not think that makes me selfish.

I have not asked him to stop helping his family. The only thing I ask is that he should not deprive himself just to please everyone else. That is what he is doing, and it takes away all his money before even the third week.

So, there is another man in the picture. He is also thirty-two, but unlike my boyfriend, he is already established. He owns his own business and is a soldier too. He has built his own house and is financially stable. He wants to date me seriously and has already expressed interest in meeting my mother.

Deep down, I never imagined myself marrying an already established man. Yet when I think about everything I stand to gain, I hesitate because suffering has honestly exhausted me. “Suffer don tire me.”

With him, I can see opportunities. I believe he could support me after university if I decide to study abroad or pursue better career opportunities. The problem is that I do not love him the way I love my boyfriend. Then there is another fear. He is military personnel, and he is often away. That one too is a cause of concern for me, because he is constantly away and, in that line of work, anything can happen.

So here I am, weighing my options. I wish I could find everything I need in one man instead of feeling like I have to choose between two halves of a whole.