I was walking with my boyfriend one day. We were walking and having a beautiful chat about our family when he suddenly dashed into an uncompleted building. Before I knew it, he jumped again into the bushes behind the building. My mouth was left open, thinking, “What on earth is happening?” But I was also following him. Maybe he saw something and hid, but even if that was the case, was he not supposed to hold my hand and hide with me? I was jogging to where he was when he came out of there, profusely sweating.

Then he looked at a car that just drove past and said, “Oh, that was not my sister.” I looked at him quizzically. “What do you mean, that was not your sister?” He said, “I thought that was my sister, that is why I hid in the bushes.”

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Before I could ask another question, he held my hands, which turned on my mumu button, and I let it go. But I always had it in mind to find out why he did that.

The following days after the incident, he came by to visit me and wore a whole jalabia and a cap, and wore it in a way that covered his eyes. I could see him from where he was coming through thelouvre blades. His head was down the entire time but occasionally looked up.

That one too, when he came in, I smelled him and his beautiful smile, and I forgot to ask the question.

There was another time I called him “babe” in public, in front of a couple of friends, and he lost it. He was visibly angry. He walked away from me, he removed himself from me and looked at me like, “Are you mad?”

I was hurt, so I walked back home. That day I psyched myself that I was not going to let it go. I expressed my feelings. He stayed on the call while I nagged and nagged. My impression was he didn’t want to date me, he was shy of me. “If you are shy of me, why are you still with me? Break up with me now, do it, say it. Do you know how many times you have made me feel bad?”

His reasons were: “I do not have a job, and I didn’t think it was wise to be dating.” I didn’t think it mattered, but he said that I didn’t understand things from his view. He was a man, and a man had no business being with a woman when he had no money.

I shook my head earnestly, thinking, who broke this man? You haven’t experienced who truly loved you yet. But it didn’t stop him from hiding me.

On the other hand, he did everything right. He was the best boyfriend in all standards, so I decided to let it go but still keep my eyes open in order to detect any mischief.

By and by, he got a job. Now he was comfortable telling some of his friends about me, yet he hesitated when it came to certain people.

So we were starting to think about settling down two years after. The day he was to meet my parents, it was an eyesore. I could see how anxious he was. He constantly asked for tissues to clean his sweaty hands. He was sweating as if he had a “running stomach.”

That morning, my husband, who was then my boyfriend, was very tensed. But after introduction and exchanging pleasantries, he got relaxed. After everything, I decided to see him off. Even on our way going, I spotted my aunt from a distance and asked him if he could see her too. The moment he saw her from a distance and I mentioned it, Paa dashed off like he had seen a ghost. I was so stunned I couldn’t speak; I just burst out laughing.

At this point in our relationship, who do we need to run away from? I questioned him, but he had no reasonable explanation.

That day, I concluded that Paa behaves that way out of shyness and introversion. Paa wants a very low-key and quiet life, so he wants everyone out of his business; thus, such extreme reactions.

We’ve been married now for over two years. We’re really good. He has improved now. On his good days, he shows me affection in public. Even though I’m big on showing affection in public, I don’t expect too much from him, even though I would have loved it.

He’s always home; he hardly goes out even with friends. He’s all over me when we’re alone, and I have made peace with our differences.

Nevertheless, even after marriage, there have been a few slips. He is sometimes shy to defend me upfront in public, or he wants me to do things a certain way because of what people will say, not because he wants it.

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Another thing that makes me focus less on his weakness is that because he cares so much about not hurting others, he does the same with me. He cares so much about not hurting me, so I take it as a positive side of his weakness.

I am here because I read the story about Akosua, who said her boyfriend is very laid back when it comes to her, as if he were hiding something.

My husband was worse when we were dating

To the lady who sent this story, maybe the boyfriend is genuinely concerned about what people think, not that he doesn’t love her, or maybe it’s something deeper. All in all, just stay alert.

After all, no two love stories are the same.

—Betty

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