Before our relationship began, we agreed that we were going to date for only one year before deciding whether to marry. I had been through a lot and didn’t see myself dating for too long again. He told me his own love story too. He had also been through a lot and was still learning to heal.

Before me, he had dated a girl for three years, and they were planning to get married. He did the knocking and got the marriage list. While he was buying the things on the list, the lady told him she was pregnant and couldn’t get married until she delivered. They had about three months before the wedding, but he was ready to go ahead with it even before the pregnancy started showing.

The lady said no.

READ ALSO: I Kept Choosing Men Who Reminded Me of My Father Until I Met My Husband

In the end, she married another man and followed him abroad. She wasn’t pregnant. She had used the pregnancy story to buy herself time. My boyfriend still has all the things he bought for that marriage in his wardrobe.

So when I met him, he was still broken from that experience. I had had my fair share of brokenness too, but I put mine behind me and trusted that we could make this relationship work.

The relationship itself wasn’t easy. He didn’t trust me. He micromanaged me. He told me what to do and what to say. I played the agreeable girlfriend unless it was dangerous to my mental health. I slept when he asked me to. I didn’t go where he asked me not to go. He built his world around me, and it was fine with me.

When we reached one year of dating, he wasn’t talking about marriage, so I brought it up.

“We promised each other one year. Is there any reason we can’t take the next step?”

He said there was no reason and that he was getting ready to meet my parents.

But the meeting never happened.

One year of dating became two years.

At the two-year mark, I brought the topic back to the table. This time, I was ready for definite answers. I didn’t want to hear any excuses. I wanted clear timelines.

He said, “I love you, and I want to marry you, but you see how our relationship has been peaceful? I want it to continue like that.”

I didn’t see any problem with that. I promised him I was going to remain the same and also do my best to do only what would make him happy. He said there was more to it than just saying it with my mouth. He had rules I had to go through first.

“If you’re happy with them, then we can go ahead and marry.”

He texted them to me one after the other. They were eight in all. He said, “Do you agree? I only want yes or no, then we take it from there.”

Four of the rules caught my attention.

One was about parents visiting after we got married. He said parents were not allowed to visit, and when it became very necessary, they couldn’t stay beyond three days.

His mother is dead. He doesn’t have a good relationship with his dad, so obviously that rule was for me and not for him.

The next rule said I couldn’t travel abroad to live there while we were married unless I was leaving with him. But he could travel abroad, make money and later come for me.

This particular rule was interesting because, at the beginning of our relationship, I had told him that my aunt abroad had once tried to take me abroad. It didn’t work, but she was still trying. I didn’t think he had held on to that information strongly enough to later make a marriage rule out of it.

The third rule was about finances. He said there would be nothing like my money and his money. Our money would go into a pool, and he would manage it for the family. As to how he would manage it, he didn’t say.

And then the last one said we could not take our marital issues outside. No third parties. The day I invited anyone into our issues, our marriage would come to an end because he believes it’s people’s opinions that destroy beautiful marriages.

He asked, “Yes or no?”

I responded, “It’s not black or white. We need to talk about it and come to a consensus on how these rules would operate.”

He told me if I believed in his leadership of the relationship, I wouldn’t ask questions. The fact that I wasn’t willing to say yes was even a red flag for him.

We argued about the yes-or-no part of his question without even getting into the rules themselves.

He eventually said he was giving me time to think about it. I said I didn’t need time to think about it. I wanted us to talk about it.

That was almost one month ago.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

Since then, our relationship has been at a standstill. He still wants a yes-or-no answer from me, but he won’t discuss the nitty-gritty of the rules.

I love him and want to marry him, but these rules are unnecessary. I believe we should have guidelines, but not a cage with a lock and key. We should be able to make mistakes, correct them and grow. That’s what marriage is all about.

He wants to govern by rules. Do you think these are good rules for a marriage to thrive?

It sounds more like a cult than a marriage to me.

—Faustina

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

******