That evening, I went home wondering whether I had misunderstood his intentions. I had worked at the company for almost two years. It is one of the subsidiaries of a large group of companies, and getting the job has been a major achievement for me. The salary is good, and there are opportunities to grow.
My manager, Mr. Asare, is one of the most influential people in our department. He has worked with the company for years and is known for getting things done. I later got to know he’s related to the Chairman of the group of companies.
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After the incident at his desk, Mr. Asare became increasingly familiar with me. He started commenting on my appearance. Sometimes he called me into his office to discuss work, only to spend most of the meeting asking about my relationship status. When I told him I had a boyfriend, he said, “Boyfriends are not husbands. You’re still available until someone marries you.”
I didn’t find it funny but I tried to keep our conversations professional. Then the messages started. He would text late at night, asking whether I was sleeping. Sometimes he sent compliments about my body. Other times, he suggested we meet outside work for drinks.
One Friday, he asked me to stay behind after closing. By six o’clock, almost everyone had left. He suggested we should go out for a drink. I declined. He came and stood close to me. He said he liked me and wanted us to become more than working colleagues.
I told him I wasn’t interested. He reminded me that he was responsible for recommending employees for certain opportunities. He mentioned promotions and salary adjustments. Then he said, “Sometimes the people who help you grow are the people you should keep close.”
He leaned in to kiss me and pushed him off, picked up my bag and left. For several days, I avoided being alone with him. Whenever he called me into his office, I tried to leave the door open.
Then he started finding fault with my work. Reports he had previously praised suddenly became unacceptable. He questioned my competence during meetings and occasionally assigned urgent tasks close to closing time.
One afternoon, he made it plain to me that he would make life at work unbearable for me until I cave in. That was when I decided to report him. I gathered screenshots of his messages and wrote down the incidents I could remember, including dates and places.
I went to the Human Resources Manager’s office and presented all the evidence to her. I knew her as a professional woman who spoke frequently about employee welfare and the company’s commitment to maintaining a respectful workplace. I believed she would help me.
She listened quietly while I explained everything. When I finished, she asked whether I had told anyone else. I said no. She advised me to remain calm and promised to look into the matter. I left her office feeling relieved.
A week passed. Nothing happened. Mr. Asare continued behaving as though everything was normal. I followed up with HR. She told me the matter was delicate and required careful handling. Another week passed. Then she invited me into her office again. This time, her tone was different. She asked whether I was sure I wanted to pursue the complaint.
I was confused. She explained, You know Mr. Asare isn’t an ordinary manager. His relationship with the Chairman makes the matter complicated. You have to understand my position too. I have children. I have bills. If I handle this wrongly, I could lose my job.”
Here was the woman responsible for protecting employees telling me she couldn’t protect me because she needed to protect herself. I asked what she expected me to do. She suggested that I avoid being alone with him and try not to provoke unnecessary confrontations.
The next morning Mr. Asare called me into his office. He closed the door and asked whether I had a problem with him. I didn’t answer. He said he had heard I was telling people he was making advances towards me. Then he asked, “Do you know how many people are looking for the position you’re occupying?”
He didn’t shout or threaten me. He spoke calmly, which somehow made the conversation worse. When I left his office, I went straight back to HR. “You told him I’ve reported him to you?”
She admitted that she had spoken to him but insisted she hadn’t mentioned everything I reported. I told her she had made things worse. She became defensive. For the first time, I saw that she was more frightened of Mr. Asare than I was. She begged me not to escalate the complaint. She said she had worked hard to reach her position and didn’t want to lose everything because of one case.
I asked, ‘Where do you even come in this case? It’s me he assaulted so why are you making it about you? She went quiet. Since then, my working life has become miserable. Mr. Asare has removed me from some projects and has placed newly employed people there.
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I’m considering seeking independent legal advice and taking the matter beyond the people who have refused to address it. But I’m afraid. Losing my job would affect more people than me. My mom, my dad and my siblings. They all rely on me.
Sometimes I wonder whether I should resign and find somewhere else to work. Then I remember how hard I worked to get this position. I didn’t do anything wrong. I went to work to earn a living, not to become available to a manager who believed his influence entitled him to my body. What hurts most is the HR Manager’s behaviour.
She knows what happened. She has seen the evidence. She knows I’m scared whenever Mr. Asare calls me into his office. Yet she’s asking me to endure it because she’s afraid of losing her salary.
Should I risk my career and pursue the complaint outside the organisation, or quietly resign and protect my peace? And what do you do when the very person you report harassment to becomes part of the reason it continues?
—Beatrice
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So sorry you have to be going through this. One of the most painful things in life is having your boss frustrate your life because you wouldn’t sleep with him. The harassment, embarasssment and loneliness it leaves you (especially with the HR Manager’s behavior is something else.
My dear you have to apply a lot of wisdom amd tact. Show him maximum respect and you meed to work extra hard. I would suggest that you go to your boss and apologise to him for whatever he may have heard. Tell him you respect him and wouldn’t want in anyway to jeopardise his reputation whatsoever and you were only frustrated because you have a lot of ambition to work hard and grow in the company and whatever anybody must’ve heard was misrepresented to him. Please do this in the office, day time, with his door open.
Then begin to control the situation whilst looking for a new job. Don’t quit yet.
Come up with genuine fake reasons, why it is legitimate to avoid him, not work with him etc. Ifnje decides to sideline you, don’t stress but take the opportunity to learn something new in a different area or build yourself up in something that would make you indispensable. They always want and would always want the ones they cannot easily have so you still have a lot of power, just that you have to apply it with a lot of tact and wisdom.
Please don’t stop lookong for a new job. And when you get it, be extra vigilant to not allow your boss to cross boundaries to ne sending you msgs at inappropriate times. There is a way you can manage it paa.
All the best, dear.
You can do two things: quietly look for another job and when you do, you leave quietly. If you choose to pursue this further, I believe you will have to put on some iron boots because it’s going to be and it will be ugly! Bypass HR and hit the CEO.
Never resign, resigning is a stupid response. it will hurt you more, you will lose your salary. Try and hang around for as long as you can. Never mention resign to anybody in that firm.
From the explanation, try and manage him by avoiding being alone with him, ignore his messages, and pretend not to be bothered by his behaviour. Very soon he will grow tired and leave you alone, i am not sure he can keep going with that behaviour towards you for more than 3 years.
When he grows tired, you will have your peace and most importantly it will toughen you up so you can deal with bigger bullies in future.
As for the HR manager, you dont have to talk to her anymore, in Ghana people dont have integrity, so i am not surprised by her behaviour. However you need to heed to her advice and understand that the best solution is to avoid and frustrate Mr Asare.
A legal path will not help you, even the courts are corrupt, and cases can go on for years, and you dont have the money for the legal path. And most importantly as soon as the company becomes aware of what the issue is, you and the HR manager will be fired immediately, it is what it is.