My dad smoked. My mom drank. They met in a bar where my mom was working and got married a few years later. For some reason, my dad never trusted my mom. He would go to the bar often and wait for my mom. If she was too playful with a customer, my dad would get up, fight the customer and also abuse my mom in front of everybody.

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My mom left the bar she met my dad at or was sacked, I’ve forgotten the story. She went to work in another bar and my dad did the same.

When my mom was pregnant with me, my dad denied responsibility yet continued staying with my mom. My mom was depressed often. She was drinking all manner of things while pregnant with me. Everyone thought I wouldn’t survive or would be born with certain deformities. My mom was even drunk while at the labour ward.

I came out fine and bouncing so they gave me a name in my local dialect that meant “Lucky.” Lucky to be alive. Lucky to come out of the womb whole and gay. My birth changed my dad’s stand because I took his color. He was fair. My mom was as dark as coal.

I grew up in the midst of turbulence. My dad was always high, my mom was always drunk and we lived in a suburb where violence was the order of the day. If I fought with a child and came home crying, my mom would beat me for crying. My dad would take my hand, lead me to the house of that child and ask me to fight until I win. I fought many, won a few and lost a lot but I stopped crying. I grew a thick skin to be able to survive.

At sixteen, I was just like my mom, tough, resilient and was drinking and smoking.

I was beautiful too. Guys my age saw me and couldn’t resist but I wasn’t into guys my age. I wanted them mature, old bones with huge ego. My father’s age. I could experiment with alcohol and weed at a very tender age, but when it came to intimacy, I was very careful. I wanted to finish school because I loved to be in school.

After Junior high, while waiting for my results, it happened. It was my father’s friend who broke me. I thought he liked me because of my dad. He had his own agenda so on that fateful evening, he lured me in with drinks and food. I was drunk while he was doing it so I didn’t feel any pain. If anything, I remember I enjoyed it. He became my secret lover until my mom found out and told my dad about it.

His name was Etuo Aboba, my father’s friend. When my dad found out, Etuo ran out of town for days. My dad was looking for him everywhere. If he found him, it would have been obituary news and I can say for sure it wouldn’t have been my dad’s obituary. Etuo didn’t come to town again. It was his brothers who came for his things in his room.

I started moving from man to man. You ought to be older than me and promise to love me come what may. You have to have alcohol in the house. You should have a lighter ready and I’m yours. I hopped from one man to another. By the time I was completing SHS, I could count over forty men I’d done something with.

Anthony was different. I found him in Asin Manso, where I attended SHS. He tried to change me. He didn’t have a lighter or bottles. He had compassion and real love for me. When I was suspended from school for one month, it was in his house I stayed. By the time my suspension was over, I was pregnant. He was worried. I was laughing. He asked, “Aren’t you scared that you’re pregnant?” I answered, “Scared? When I can clear this in a minute?”

He wanted to take me to the hospital to do it but I asked him to leave that for me. Days later, I told him it’s gone. He was like, “Who are you?” I answered, “I’m Lucky. If you know where I come from, this won’t shock you.”

He was way older but I knew life better than he did. He did a lot for me. My parents didn’t know how I got through SHS. At some point they even forgot I was in school. It was Anthony who did it all. After SHS, he didn’t want me to go home. He was scared of the life I was going into so he said he would marry me and take me away from my parents.

My mom didn’t have a problem but she asked him to help me finish university before marriage. My dad heard it and was looking for Anthony to beat him. “How could he think of marrying you? It means he’s been doing things with you already.”

He scared Anthony away but not away from my life. I could run to Anthony and spend a week with him. My mom knew but my dad didn’t. His place offered a new perspective, a different way of life. I couldn’t drink while with him. I couldn’t smoke. Slowly, he was changing me into a human being.

He bought forms for me when my results came. He chose the course I should do in Cape Coast Polytechnic. He paid my first school fees.

When he found out I was dating another guy on campus, he broke up with me. I thought my world had ended. I went to him and cried but he pushed me away. I thought he would forgive but he never did. By then, I was so into him I’d stopped drinking and smoking and had become very decent. I thought I could play smart on campus but he caught me.

The good thing from that relationship was that I grew away from the ghetto and grew towards a dream. My dad had seen the direction I was going and was proud of me so he started working for money for my education. My mom too. They pushed until I completed school.

I owed everything to Anthony. I invited him to my graduation but he didn’t come. I visited him afterwards but he had moved on. I dedicated my project work to him. The least I can do for a man who kickstarted the dream.

Life is better than it used to be. I’m working in a good place. My mom lives with me now. Dad is so invested in the ghetto he wouldn’t leave but he has a shop around there. He sells and makes clean money. Mom is here, trying hard to stop drinking. She could go clean for a month and still backslide but she’s trying. I know a year or two from now, she will be fine.

Three Months After Our Breakup, He Got Married

If my childhood taught me anything, it taught me that I should never be in a position where my daughter will go through what I went through growing up and it’s this lesson that’s shaping the woman I want to become.

—Lucky

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