Although I was in the same church with Joe, we were not close until he called me out of the blue. I was surprised, considering that I didn’t know his name. He was just one of the faces in the congregation. He told me he got my number from a friend. “I just want to know what outfit the choir is wearing tomorrow?” He asked.
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The next time he came to church, he introduced himself to me. We started talking more after that. My mum, who is very warm and friendly, quickly bonded with him when he started visiting me at home.
He was consistent with his presence, supportive, and behaved like a perfect gentleman. I turned down his proposal at first because something felt off. He didn’t give up. He kept showing up with gifts and did things to earn the trust of my family and friends. The game changer was when I got to the university. He was with me every step of the way, financially and emotionally.
Over time, I gave in and agreed to date him. It happened when he got into a motor accident. I spent a lot of time by his side, nursing him back to health. That built a bond between us. Just as he recovered, we got intimate.
I felt so guilty about it. In the past, I struggled with sexual sin and pornography but I recommitted my life to Christ. I wanted to stay pure, only to end up in his bed. After that encounter, I avoided him.
He didn’t let me go. He kept coming back, and because my mum didn’t know why I was hiding from him, she advised me to forgive him and let him back into my life.
This became a cycle. He would cross boundaries, apologise, and return again by winning my mum over with his kindness, especially during tough times like when she was sick and hospitalised.
In 2023, he proposed to me at the beach with a ring. I happily said yes. I believed we were on the path to marriage. But after my graduation, he said he wasn’t ready yet to bear the cost so we should slow things down.
Around the end of last year, my mother suffered another stroke. We had to move to my father’s new house in a developing area. Because of her condition, I am mostly at home taking care of her.
When Joe’s rent expired, he convinced me to ask my father to let him use one of the rooms in the house, since he was always around and helping me take care of my mum. My dad agreed.
I have come to deeply regret that decision.
He demands sex almost every day, even during my period or when I’m weak and tired. If I say no, he becomes moody and distant. I also discovered he kept nude pictures of me on his phone so he could look at them when he missed me. He deleted them when I confronted him but I still felt violated that he took those photos without my consent.
Now we are at a point where he only shows me affection when he wants sex. I’ve tried sharing scriptures, praying, and talking to him about how wrong this is, but he doesn’t care. He listens briefly and then repeats the same behaviour.
This is destroying my mental health, my peace, and worst of all, my relationship with God. Deep down, I know this is not love. It is not godly. It is not safe. It is emotional, sexual, and spiritual exploitation.
I feel stuck, because I was the one who asked my dad to let him move in. My father doesn’t live here. It’s just me, my sick mum, and this man. Everyone in my family still trusts him and sees him as the perfect man for me because of his past acts of kindness.
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Now I see clearly that he used kindness to gain access to my life and body. I don’t know how to get him out without causing conflict in my family or worsening my mother’s condition. But I cannot continue like this.
How do I get him out of the house when I was the one who brought him in? How do I tell my family the nature of our relationship without losing their trust or worsening my mother’s health? I want out. I want to be free. I want to obey God, protect my peace, and secure my future.
If there are other rooms in the house, why don’t you move out of the shared room? If there aren’t extra rooms, speak to your mother and move into her room. It’s the first step – start by distancing your self from him. Infact , you could sleep in the living room. Then remind him, you are not married yet so cohabiting is destroying your christian life. Furthermore, remind him that his stay in the house is temporary. He has to move out ASAP. Pray and stand on your ground and don’t allow him to manipulate you emotionally or guilt-trip you into doing something you don’t want to do.
You brought him to the house and definitely you are the only person who can throw him out.
Convince your family he’s no longer the person they ised to know. Let you dad know he had overstayed his guests status for which reason he needs to be ejected
You can sack him by sacking him… Period
you’re the one bearing the consequences, this is an opportunistic, and you have avail yourself at a low cost for him; he stays with you and enjoys your priceless body free of charge, what a shame! what if he doesn’t marry u in the end? think smart and do the needful
It’s obvious he will leave you at the end sis. First of, go back to God in prayer and rededicate your life to Him and ask for wisdom to deal with the matter. It’s easier said than done, so you need boldness which can only be gotten from God.
I don’t want to teach you because I’m not God but it’s still your mum you will calmly explain things to after praying. May she live long and overcome the sickness.
You don’t need to give details of the nature of your relationship.
Just say it is not right for you two to live together while unmarried and more so in your father’s house.
Bringing him in was to help him take his time to get an accommodation for which he has overstayed his welcome
Same way your father listened to you, he will this time too see sense in your concern