We were friends for years before he got married—me and Kobby. Our friendship isn’t the in-your-face kind of friendship. Back when we were in school, it was different. We learned together and did a lot of things together. A lot of people even thought we were a couple. We explained to people every day that we weren’t but they took it as “They are a couple but they don’t want anyone to know about it.”

So when Kobby was about to get married, a lot of our mates messaged me, wondering why I wasn’t the one he was marrying. Some even thought I was brokenhearted. The gossip was that; “He dated Jennifer for years but when it got to marriage, he married someone else.”

When people don’t believe a story, no matter how you spin it, they’ll never believe it. You’ll explain ‘taya’ but they won’t believe you. That was the kind of story I and Kobby had.

One day on my status, I posted a friend who was celebrating her birthday. Kobby messaged me, “Wow, she’s fine oo. You have such a friend and you didn’t introduce her to me? I would have married her a day after the introduction.”

We laughed about it thinking it was one of those jokes but he said, “Give me her number.” I asked, “What for?” His answer was, “Oh I would like to know her.” I said, “Have you finished knowing your wife that you want to know another woman?”

His marriage was less than a year. I didn’t think he would be able to go after another woman but trust men to go after what they want no matter what. He said, “Don’t be a hater. Give her number to me.”

I called my friend that day and explained the situation to her. I even told her Kobby was married. She said, “He’s married and wants my number?” What for?” I answered, “I won’t know until he gets the number.”

She told me to give him the number and I did. A couple of weeks later, Kobby sent me a photo of himself and that my friend together. He said it was their first outing. “Eiiii Kobby, you’re fast ooo. when was the last time you took me out that you’re taking a total stranger out?” He answered, “She’s no longer a stranger ooo. She’s my girlfriend.” I said “What? Since when?”

He was telling the truth. I don’t like married men. You can give me a pot of gold with a married man and I would tell you, “I love gold but this one came with a married man. Thank you but no.” Not that I’m a saint. I’m not saying I’m better than the women who go after married men. I’m saying I’m a sinner but on judgment day my sins won’t include dating married men.

I called my friend and asked what happened and she said, “Oh he’s just a good guy. Plus I’m not taking him away from his wife. It’s just for nothing.”

In two years, I gave three women to Kobby. When I resisted at some point, he told me he would pay. So he sent me money before I gave the numbers of those two women to him. Kobby is a fast guy when it comes to that. He doesn’t fail. He would proudly wear his ring while getting another girl to be his girlfriend.

No here’s the problem…

Some months ago, I went out with him and a couple of friends. That was the day I met his wife for the first time. Apart from his wife, he came with another guy and because Kobby was with his wife, I was forced to sit with this guy throughout the night. We talked. He introduced himself to me as Ben. He was funny. I never felt left alone because of him.

After the night, he called and asked if I had gotten home safely. He took my number from Kobby. I smiled at myself because knew where this was going. So I wasn’t surprised when a couple of weeks later, this guy proposed to me. I asked him, “What did you discuss with Kobby before telling me this?”

According to him, he didn’t tell Kobby about it. He told me they are friends but they don’t talk about everything. I didn’t believe him. I called Kobby, “Your friend Ben is proposing to me. Which role are you playing in this enterprise?” He laughed at me and said he didn’t have any idea. He told me, “He’s a nice guy. He’s been single for years so you can give him a chance. He’s a cool guy.”

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The only thing I wanted to know was if indeed he was single. Kobby telling me he was single didn’t sound like the truth in my ears. I know Kobby and I think I would say I know guys and how they protect each other when it comes to friendship. Kobby is married but I know what he can do. He has a friend who is claiming single. No, I can’t just accept what Kobby tells me so I decided to dig deeper to know him for myself.

For eight months, I haven’t been able to spot the red flag with Ben but it doesn’t feel right in my spirit. There’s this ‘je ne sais quoi’ about him. He’s a friend of Kobby. He should come with a red flag. His perfection scares me. I’ve said yes to him but I’m not able to give my all to the relationship. I look at him and I see a heartbreak waiting to happen.

His room looks perfect and well-arranged all the time. He has a kitchen that has everything a kitchen should have and these things are well arranged. Meanwhile, he doesn’t know how to cook. Isn’t this a red flag? A man who has a perfect kitchen? It feels like a woman’s kitchen to me but he tells me, “I’m ready to get married. What I’m waiting for is a woman and you’re here.”

The day I sat down with Kobby and pleaded with him to tell me the truth, every question I asked him drew a burst of laughter from him before the answer. I was seriously asking the questions that will determine my future with his friend but he was there laughing and telling me, “Oh Ben is not like that. He’s a good guy and won’t break your heart…” and all those assurances.

He asked, “You’re scared he’s like me?” I answered, “He’s your friend so definitely there’s something you two have in common. But let me tell you this; if I marry him someday, I swear I won’t allow him to be your friend.” He laughed and it’s those series of laughter that gets me confused and scared. He’s hiding something behind the laughter.

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Can a bad man have a good friend? That’s my question. Are there exceptions to the saying that show me your friend and let me show you your character? Ben is perfect. He treats me well and delivers on his promises but it still doesn’t put me at ease knowing who his friend is and what his friend can do.

—Jennifer

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