When my wife and I first got married in 2007, we planned to have two children. We didn’t ask for too much. Just two. God heard our prayers and blessed us with a son in 2008. Our families were happy, and so were we. It was one of the happiest times in our marriage. I had a good job and so did my wife. Money wasn’t a problem for us at all. In fact, we lived in one of the most expensive neighbourhoods in Accra. I was fulfilled as a man because I had a family I could take care of.

As our son grew older,  my wife and I started trying for a second child. We wanted to have the baby as quickly as possible, and even focus all our resources on setting them up for a good future. However, we were met with a string of disappointments as all attempts to conceive another child failed miserably. We had one child already so we knew we were both fertile. We just figured we would wait and allow nature to take its course. We waited for two years but baby number two refused to show up.

As we were dealing with the stress our inability to conceive a second baby was causing us, I lost my job. It happened in 2012. I was disheartened at first but I tried to stay positive. I comforted myself, “With my qualifications and my job experience, I should get another job in no time. Everything will be fine.” What didn’t I do? How many jobs did I not apply for? I tried to use my connections from my previous job to land a new job but it all backfired. I turned to my friends and family for help, and they all told me, “Send me your CV, and let me see what I can do.” Even when things looked hopeless, I held on to hope. I prayed, I fasted, and I believed with an unmovable faith that I would get a job and things would get back to normal.

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Unfortunately, the plans that the higher powers had for my life were different from my expectations. I stayed home while my wife went to work. I watched her leave the house every day and return at the end of each day. She stepped into my shoes and did everything I was meant to do as the head of the family. She provided for the family the best way she could. I must admit that it wasn’t easy for us. I even started to view our inability to conceive a second baby as a blessing. Even with one child, we were struggling, so two would have been extremely difficult for us.

After a while, I couldn’t just sit back and watch my wife take care of the home. So I started looking for jobs outside Accra. After a month of searching, I got an offer from a company in Kumasi. The money they offered to pay me wasn’t much but it was better than nothing, so I took the job and relocated to Kumasi. The separation was difficult for the family but what else could we have done? I just had to make the best out of the situation and hope that things improve. One of the things I did was to visit my wife and our son as often as possible so that we could keep the bond between us, despite the distance. I also provided for my son’s education, as is my responsibility. My wife helped by providing for his food, clothes and other needs that my meagre salary did not allow me to cover.

Our arrangement worked perfectly until our son completed primary school. He was transitioning into an adolescent and it reflected in every way he related to his mother. He became defiant in a way that was always disrespectful. So my wife and I agreed that he needs to live with me so that I could handle him properly and teach him the ways of men. So the boy came to live with me and started JHS in Kumasi. My wife earns higher than I do, so I expected her to contribute toward the upkeep of our son, but she doesn’t. I also expected that she would be the one who visits us instead of the other way around. But she refuses to make the trip. She is always telling me, “I am busy with work.” Or “I have to attend a wedding this weekend.” If it’s not any of these then she would say, “I am very tired so I want to spend the weekend resting.”

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Her behaviour bothers me but I don’t complain. I don’t know how to tell her directly; “You need to help me to cater for our child financially, and you need to visit us.” I believe that as a mother, this is something she should do naturally. It’s been two years since our son last saw her. Meanwhile, the distance between us is only a six-hour drive. Because of the financial responsibility on me, I can’t afford to travel with the boy to Accra. This not only affects our son, but it is affecting our marriage too. The strong bond we share is now strained. Our marriage is beginning to feel as if we are two friends who live far away from each other. A situation where there is no intentionality when it comes to communicating and spending quality time together. We are each living our own lives, completely independent of the other. This saddens me because I never imagined that my once passionate marriage would grow this cold.

I don’t know what to do, but to hope that my wife will one day see the need to be my partner again. The kind of partnership that would prompt her to support me financially, and to take an interest in our son’s growth.

–Norris

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