I’m a trained teacher waiting for my posting. I still live with my parents, and I do everything expected of me at home. I don’t give them trouble. I respect them. I play my role as a child. But there is one issue that has planted confusion between us. It’s eating into my peace every single day.

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I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend since our college days. Four years now. We’ve grown together, encouraged each other, fallen, risen, and held on to our love. At this point, we both know it’s time to settle down. We are just waiting for the right elements to align, and then we will start preparations.

My father says it will never happen. Not because the guy is irresponsible. Not because he mistreats me. Not because he can’t take care of me. I would have understood him if it was any of these reasons. But how do I let my love go just because my father doesn’t like his tribe? Who in this life has control over the tribe they are born into?

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According to my dad, my boyfriend’s tribe and people from our hometown don’t marry each other. He says there is too much history between the tribes. And that the people from his side have killed many of our relatives back in the North, so he will never allow me to marry into that tribe. The rest of my father’s family agree with him. Nobody is willing to even consider that this generation is different.

Besides, my boyfriend was born and raised in the South. I was also born here. We grew up far away from those old battles and long-carried resentments. We didn’t inherit the hatred they are using to judge us. But here we are, about to lose everything because of a war we didn’t fight and a history we didn’t write.

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My boyfriend is disappointed. I am broken. We don’t know what to do. How do you tell two families that four years of love cannot be thrown away in a single day? How do you convince them that tribal differences do not automatically make someone your enemy?

They want to use one decision, one old wound, to separate what we’ve built brick by brick for years. We are young, and we don’t want to make a choice we’ll regret. Should we keep fighting? Should we wait? Should we walk away? We need direction.

—Lisa

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