I am a 26-year-old woman working full-time and self-funding my master’s program. I take my life, my goals, and my time very seriously.

About nine months ago, a guy from my university approached me. Anyone who went to a huge university knows how easy it is to remain anonymous, but he told me he had been admiring me from afar for a long time. Since I was single, I agreed to talk to him, build a friendship, and see where things would lead. Before I accepted his proposal to make things official, I asked him directly if he was ready for marriage. He said yes. I made it clear from day one that I hate having my time wasted.

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Fast forward to today, and the reality of this relationship is hitting me hard.

My boyfriend is financially unstable. He does not have a steady source of income, aside from a few occasional sales from an online marketing job. Someone once said that if you date a kind lover, they will give to you even when they have nothing. They will give you even the smallest of things. This guy has never gifted me anything, not even an item worth GH₵ 10.

Whenever I plan to visit him, he repeatedly begs me to bring him something. He acts like a child begging his mother for plantain chips when she returns from the market. I usually ignore his incessant nagging, but I still end up showing up at his doorstep with gifts in hand. On the other hand, he has never once shown up at my house with a gift. Not even a loaf of bread.

Sometimes, I intentionally test him. I tell him I have run out of money and have nothing to eat just to see how he reacts. Instead of showing care, he simply complains about his own lack of funds. One time, he point-blank told me, “My dear, if you depend on me for food, you will always go to bed hungry.”

Yet, I am still dating him.

I honestly feel like he proposed to me because I have a steady job. I suspect he thought he could milk cash out of me, and now he feels disappointed because he is not getting what he expected.

I say this because whenever I ask him about his love language, he claims it is receiving gifts. He constantly goes on and on about how his exes used to give him money, take him on shopping sprees, and buy him all sorts of things. But when I ask him what he did for those women in return, he fumbles, stammers, and cannot mention anything tangible.

When I fall sick or suffer from severe menstrual cramps, he does not check up on me or pamper me. There have been times when I ended up in the hospital, and it did not bother him at all.

Not long ago, he asked me to lend him GH₵ 2,000. This request came right after I explicitly told him that I had just paid GH₵ 15,000 for my tuition fees. When I told him I did not have the money, he got actually angry, as if he were asking for money he had worked for and trusted me to keep. We ended up in a big fight over it.

On top of all this, he has major anger issues and deep insecurities. Even when I am traveling to my parents’ house, he makes all sorts of foul comments as if I am going to see another man. I am not promiscuous. Throughout our nine months together, he has never had a single reason to doubt my fidelity or think I am cheating.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

I am so confused that I cannot think straight. He is the only person I am dating, but my head is saying one thing while my heart is quietly begging me to stay. I keep asking myself whether I am being too hard on him or whether I am finally paying attention to the red flags. I am scared, and I keep hearing the clock ticking, constantly reminding me that I am not getting any younger.

My Silent Beads family, please help me see what I cannot see right now.

— Chantel

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