When money was tight, she helped. When an opportunity didn’t work out, she listened to me complain, then reminded me that one disappointment wasn’t the end of my life. Sometimes she sent me money before I could ask. Other times, she simply ignored me and went on with her life. That was okay too.
She wasn’t a woman who demanded material things. She knew my salary, my worries and the kind of home I wanted us to have one day. Marriage came up often, and I always told her I wanted to marry her. I meant it. But wanting something and being ready for it are two different things.
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I am working, but I still haven’t rented a place of my own. I have been trying to save enough for accommodation and the expenses that come with setting up a home. Every time I feel I’m making progress, another financial obligation arrives. I know people marry with less than I have. I also know I don’t want to bring someone into a marriage where every basic expense becomes an emergency.
In January, she told me she wanted us to get married before December ended. If I couldn’t make that commitment, she would leave. I asked whether she could give me more time. She said four years had already been enough time to know what I wanted.
At the beginning of February, she sent me a message. “It’s February. You have only ten months.”
I laughed when I saw it. I thought she was teasing me. In March, another message arrived: “It’s March. You have only nine months.”
It continued like that. Every new month came with a reminder that time was running out. I would open her messages before work, and I would feel like life was against me. Sometimes I replied with a joke. Sometimes I assured her that I was doing my best. But the months kept passing, and the money I hoped to save wasn’t growing as quickly as I needed.
Aside from the countdown, our relationship remained good. She visited and called often. We still laughed together. Sometimes I forgot there was a deadline hanging over us until the first day of another month arrived and she reminded me.
By October, I knew I had to do something concrete. I told her we should perform the knocking rites. At least our families would know we were taking steps towards marriage.
She asked me, “Knocking after four years? And marry when? Please be serious.”
I told her we could use the ceremony to agree on the next steps and work towards a wedding we could afford. She said, “You’re still talking about steps when I’ve been asking for a destination all this while?”
In the middle of October, I noticed a car bringing her home. At first, I thought it was a colleague or a relative. Then I saw the same man several times. He would drive past my place on the way to hers. When they got to my place, she made sure I noticed her in the passenger seat. She would either stick her neck out or even wave.
When I’d seen them enough to suspect what was going on, I tried to fish for information around her house. The guy is obviously financially comfortable. He has a car, and from what I can tell, he is already in a position to offer her the kind of stability I had spent years promising.
From what I gathered, she had introduced him to her family. The same people I’ve been preparing to visit for the knocking rites. I felt as if somebody had entered a house while I was still standing outside, searching for the key.
I confronted her. I thought she was going to deny it. Instead, she answered plainly. “It’s November. Obviously, you can’t marry me in December, so I have to start looking for someone else.”
We haven’t broken up. She hasn’t sent me any message to tell me it’s over or told me to my face that we are no longer a thing. I reminded her of all that, and she said she was being fair to me because the ultimatum would expire only at the end of December. Until then, I’m still her boyfriend.
When A Man Cheats And Doesn’t Disrespect You, It Should Be OK
She still answers my calls and sometimes agrees to see me. Four years is a long time to wait for a promise that keeps moving. I also know she has the right to decide that my circumstances aren’t what she wants for her future. If she sat me down and ended the relationship, it would have hurt, but at least I would know where I stood.
Sometimes that car passes my house when I’m sitting outside. I recognise the sound of it before I look up. She seems to know when I’m there. I wonder whether she’s trying to make me jealous, make me act, or simply remind me that somebody else is ready to do what I haven’t done.
I thought four years together would earn me a gentler goodbye, but no. I’m currently hurt in places I didn’t know existed, and I have become a man counting the days until his own girlfriend leaves him. This is soul-crushing, but this too shall pass.
—Gerald
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You are funny. Four years, and you are now talking of knocking.
Boss move forward wae because you are just a time waster.
Yes, I believe she should have ended the relationship properly first, before seeing someone else.
But what is done is done. Move on.
Sorry about that and at the same time Thank God you’re matured enough to understand what she needs. If she should have stayed longer with you she would have missed a lot because it’s clear both of you don’t have the same goal. You want stability first which makes sense and she on the other hand wants marriage because that’s what is good for her right now since she’s a woman and she’s growing 💗. Move on with your life as well and I’ll advise that if you are not stable enough then don’t think of wasting another woman’s time
Uncle Gerald, four years is too much now……. Hmmmm! It hard but you have to swallow this bitter pill. Go and work hard and make more money before you enter another relationship. And don’t forget to rent your own place. It’s very necessary.
Hehehhe sorry for your loss