Frimpong was my schoolmate who travelled abroad right after school and came back to Ghana after many years. The very day he set his eyes on me, he didn’t want to let me go. We talked for hours, he escorted me to my place, stopped at the junction, and we talked more. The next day he said he was coming for me so we could go and eat Sunday Emotuo special. I followed him, and from that day, I followed him wherever he wanted me to.
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He proposed. He didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend. He outrightly said I should be his wife. One of the reasons he came to Ghana was to find a wife. I thought he was joking. You know men and what they can say when all they want is actually sex. I told him I had a boyfriend. “How can you marry a woman just like that? You don’t care that I might be dating?”
He jokingly said, “Leave that boyfriend and come for me. Where was he when we were kneeling down in class together? Where was he when teachers were beating us because we spoke vernacular?”
He didn’t take me seriously when I told him I had a boyfriend, and I also didn’t take him seriously when he said I should leave my boyfriend and come for him, but time had the final say. I realized how serious he was about me and how often he mentioned marriage and the fact that he wanted to take me abroad to live with him.
I slowly gave in but also didn’t leave my boyfriend. I was putting my eggs in different baskets for safety reasons. My hope was that once he left the country, he might forget about me or leave me alone to concentrate on my relationship.
A few weeks after he left, I found out that I was pregnant. I shook my head in disbelief. I honestly didn’t know who the pregnancy was for because while I was doing it with Frimpong, I was also doing it with Alex, my boyfriend. I decided I would quietly let it go so I wouldn’t confuse myself. While I lay sleeping and was thinking about it, an idea dropped into my head. Why don’t I test the men in my life and see how they would react?
I called Alex first. When I told him, he was blunt with me. “No, we can’t have it. You know I’m not ready, and there are so many things to do. Please let’s not complicate things. Just let it go.”
I listened to him wax lyrics about his future and how he wanted it before a child arrived. I said, “I’ve heard you. Let’s see how it goes.”
This guy came to my house in the evening wanting to spend the night with me so early in the morning he could take me to the hospital. I told him I wasn’t a child and I could take care of myself. He said, “The way you’re behaving, you’re making it look like you don’t want to do it.”
I assured him I was going to do it, and he even made me swear before he left me alone. I waited until Frimpong called. I didn’t tell him I was pregnant. I only said my period had delayed and it was the first time it had delayed for four days. He whispered, “I wish you were pregnant. The way I would be happy errn. That is it, marriage straight.”
He called every morning asking if I had checked to confirm it. I asked for more time, telling him I didn’t believe I was pregnant and that my menses would come. Then I sent him the test kit. He asked, “It means you’re pregnant?” He called me on video and started jumping up and down celebrating my confusion.
He said he would send his father to come and see my people so they would put things in place for the marriage, even in his absence. I had to tell him to slow down. “I don’t like this speed. I’m not sure if I’m ready to be a mother. Please let’s take it slowly.”
It felt like I had thrown him into boiling water. “No, we are not running fast. I’ve known you since childhood. This is a dream come true. Let’s get this out of the way so we know what we are doing is legal and has family backing.”
I wished I could look into my womb and identify whose sperm made me pregnant. The last thing I wanted to do was give another man’s child to another man. Alex was clear that he didn’t want the pregnancy. When he became very insistent on me getting rid of it, I told him I was testing him to see what he would do and that my menses had come.
I think he was embarrassed, so he withdrew a little, which didn’t bother me. Later, he was rather angry and asked what the point of that test was and said that the next time I did it again, he would advise himself. I told him, “There’s no next time because I’ve advised myself already.” We ended it badly. He didn’t care, and I also knew I shouldn’t care.
I slept every night thinking of what next to do. I had settled in my mind that I wasn’t going to get rid of it, but the problem was how to identify which of the men got me pregnant. I cried. I confessed to my father and asked him what I should do.
May God bless that man. He didn’t blame me or accuse me of being a whore. He simply told me to hold on until the baby arrived. I said, “No, I can’t hold on. I need to find a resting place for my head before it bursts.” He said, “You told him you had a boyfriend, right? That’s going to be your escape window when push comes to shove.”
According to my dad, I shouldn’t tell Frimpong anything yet. I should only hold on with the marriage plans until I’m sure the baby is his. He said I should be honest with myself and ask for a DNA test from Alex after the baby is born. If it’s for Alex, maybe Frimpong would leave me alone, and if Alex doesn’t marry me, it’s also the price I have to pay for my decisions.
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Alex still doesn’t know that I’m pregnant. It’s just early days yet. I don’t even think he would be bothered if he saw me pregnant. He might think it’s for another man. His chapter is closed on my side, but Frimpong—he’s so happy I’m scared this happiness may wound him when it finally comes out that he’s not the father.
I wish there was a way to manage his expectations, to tell him that it’s his but not his. Something to make him relax until the assurance is made double sure. He’s a good person and doesn’t deserve this, but it’s also altogether not my fault. Everything happened too quickly, and this is the result of getting carried away when we should have allowed our heads to reign.
