We were both employed at the same time so we met for the first time during orientation. She was a senior colleague in the Audit Department whilst I was in the Accounts Department so we met almost every day and worked together on numerous files.

With time, we progressed from just the usual “Hello” and “Hi” and started talking more. We often texted on Whatsapp after close of work and even on weekends. Soon enough, she formed a habit of giving me presents, and I was always thankful to receive them. She would send me call credits or data and order lunch for me. In return for her kindness, I did certain favours for her and also ran errands for her like, picking up orders from a dispatch, and going to the bank. I did all of these things happily. I just liked to be close to her because of her intelligence. I always told her, “You are a very good woman with a kind heart. Your husband is lucky to have you.”

As the days went by, we became each other’s confidants. She told me about her family, and marriage, and showed me pictures of her beautiful and lovely children. Things looked good for her. We spoke about everything from football to politics and even engaged in office gossip.

Then at a point, she started talking about her husband and her marriage. Although her husband was very responsible, and provided for her and their kids, she felt unloved by him. She never ceased to talk about how she felt neglected and felt she wasn’t his priority. He is an ambitious man who was always busy and kept rising in his career. We spoke at length and in one of our conversations she mentioned “Kweks, you won’t believe he hasn’t touched me in over a month though we share the same bed. I don’t think I still matter to him. Besides our kids, there is no sense of purpose and fulfilment in this fourteen-year-old marriage. He is a good man, but he has stopped making me feel like a woman. We are just together. There is no passion, no desire, and no lovemaking. He’s always either busy or tired.” I sympathized with her situation and availed myself to be a listening ear and a shoulder she cried on.

I advised her, “Maybe you should have a conversation with him.” She responded, “I have on a number of occasions. He’s either tired and dozes off mid-conversation, too busy to listen to me, or dismisses my feelings when he listens.” She told me she was beginning to think that he was having an affair.

I had seen her husband a few times when he passed by the office to pick her up for home. According to her, there were times they stopped over at places to have a drink and spend time together. From afar, he struck me as a man striving to strike a balance between work and making his marriage work. But I may have been wrong.

I don’t know what happened or how it happened, but along the line, Sheila and I became too close. She started looking at me differently and so did I. One day, just before we closed for the day, we kissed in her office. I felt soo guilty after it happened. I kept asking myself questions, “Where is this leading to? I seem to be on a very slippery slope. I need to get out of this as soon as possible.”

From that day onward, our conversations took a different path. We were extremely professional whilst at the office in order to ward off suspicions. She always deleted our WhatsApp messages so her husband wouldn’t see them. We were very careful, or so we thought.

One day, she sent me a message proposing that we have lunch outside the office. I proposed a hotel in a hideaway location not too far from the office. In order not to create any suspicion, I took the lead in an Uber and after a few minutes she followed in another.

After lunch, our emotions got the better part of us and we booked a room in the hotel. Well, I don’t need to tell you what happened in that room. I remember how she broke down and cried when everything was over. She told me she felt guilty for desecrating her marriage and betraying her husband in her moment of weakness. I was also scared and laden with guilt after it dawned on me that I had just slept with a married woman. I couldn’t sleep that night.

In the days that followed, my spirit was heavy. I couldn’t concentrate at work, at home, or even in church. People started asking questions. I was having sleepless nights. At work, I always tried to avoid her in the office and she also avoided me. Every conversation was strictly work-related. You would think that regrettable moment would end things between us but no. Five months after our first time, we were at it again. I wasn’t proud of what was happening but it felt like I’d lost control of myself.

Then one day I woke up to a message from her, “Charle, I am in deep trouble. We have been caught. He knows everything.” My heart started pounding. All of a sudden I felt some bitterness in my mouth. I didn’t know whether to respond by texting or calling.

That day, she didn’t report to work. I was worried. I didn’t hear from her. No text, no phone call, nothing! What was going on with her husband? Was she ok? I was extremely worried and lost. Then Friday of that week, I bumped into her at the reception. I could see she wasn’t herself. She told me she will pass by my office later in the day. I was on tenterhooks. What was she going to say? How did it happen? Am I safe? I was in suspense and it became evident in the office. Almost everyone kept asking if everything was ok with me. I was anxious until she sent a national service person to call me to her office.

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She told me her husband chanced upon some of our messages she forgot to delete. “The evidence is too overwhelming. I can’t deny it. He is the type who will never start a fight or check on my phone. In our years of marriage, he has never touched my phone unless I give it to him. Why and how he checked my phone a few days ago still baffles me,” she said, “My husband is very intelligent, and he can connect the dots and dig to the bottom of this so after a few days of denying our affair, I had to come clean. As we speak, my home is on fire. I have destroyed my marriage with my own hands. He has left the house and I have no idea where he is. Divorce is now on the table.” Needless to say, that was the end of our affair. She applied for her annual leave and added her resignation letter.

It has been over four years since my affair with her but I have not had any peace. I have become a pale shadow of myself. I acknowledge that I have sinned before God and man. I feel I should have known better. I haven’t heard from her or seen her since the last time we spoke. She’s even gone off social media. Every day, I think of her poor husband and innocent kids who don’t deserve the role I played in all of this.

I have confessed to God for forgiveness. I have fasted and prayed and continue to do so to date but maybe, I should confess and apologize to her husband. Maybe I will feel better but I can’t predict what his reaction will be. Strangely, he has never confronted me. Or he’s lurking somewhere waiting for the perfect time to take his revenge? Maybe my guilt would be reduced if he confronts or gets even with me. Or has he invoked some curses on me that are making my conscience heavy and not at peace with myself? To date, I still get notifications that he has viewed my LinkedIn profile. What is he looking for?

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I am sharing my story here because I am dying slowly. I need advice from readers on what to do to be at peace with myself. I recently started a master’s degree program thinking that will keep me busier and take my mind off my predicament but had to suspend it in the middle of the second semester. I can’t concentrate on anything I do. My colleagues at work and my family have started getting worried.

We all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God but I know what I did with a married woman is a greater sin because that is a transgression against the husband’s honor. I need help.

–Kweks

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