Four months ago, we started dating. We are very different from each other, and when I say different, I mean very different. I am slim, the hourglass kind of slim, while he is chubby and stout. And no, before anyone gets the wrong idea, I am not here to talk about his weight because that is not the problem at all.

The problem is that I don’t think I want this relationship anymore.

The hard part is that he is such a kind and caring man, which makes this decision even more difficult. Walking away from someone who treats you well is not easy, but I honestly feel like I have no other choice. If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

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Everything changed the first time we became intimate. To be honest, it was a terrible experience for me. He is very strong, and the entire time all I felt was pain. There was no enjoyment, no comfort, just pain from beginning to end. That night, I could not stop thinking about it, and I even had nightmares. I have been in relationships before, but I had never experienced anything like that.

After that day, I went quiet on him. I stopped reaching out, and I tried to create some distance between us. Eventually, I told him that I no longer wanted the relationship and that we would be better off as friends.

He refused to leave it at that and kept asking why. When I finally told him the truth about how I felt, he seemed genuinely surprised. He said he had no idea I was experiencing that much discomfort, and he promised that he would be gentler the next time.

Well, the next time came, and unfortunately, I still felt exactly the same way.

I have not told him that yet, but deep down I know nothing has changed for me. Recently, he wanted us to meet again, but I made an excuse because I could not bring myself to go through that experience another time.

The thing is, he really is a good man. He treats me well, he cares about me, and he is serious about building a future together. In fact, he talks about marriage all the time.

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Whenever he brings up marriage, my heart starts pounding, but not for the reasons you might think. Instead of feeling excited, I feel scared. I keep imagining what life would be like if I married him and had to live with the same pain for the rest of my life.

Right now, I am seriously considering ending the relationship because I do not think I can cope with it anymore. I feel guilty because he has done nothing wrong intentionally, but I also cannot ignore how I feel.

Please, I need some advice. Am I making the right decision?

—Cynthia

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