Four months ago, we started dating. We are very different from each other, and when I say different, I mean very different. I am slim, the hourglass kind of slim, while he is chubby and stout. And no, before anyone gets the wrong idea, I am not here to talk about his weight because that is not the problem at all.

The problem is that I don’t think I want this relationship anymore.

The hard part is that he is such a kind and caring man, which makes this decision even more difficult. Walking away from someone who treats you well is not easy, but I honestly feel like I have no other choice. If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

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Everything changed the first time we became intimate. To be honest, it was a terrible experience for me. He is very strong, and the entire time all I felt was pain. There was no enjoyment, no comfort, just pain from beginning to end. That night, I could not stop thinking about it, and I even had nightmares. I have been in relationships before, but I had never experienced anything like that.

After that day, I went quiet on him. I stopped reaching out, and I tried to create some distance between us. Eventually, I told him that I no longer wanted the relationship and that we would be better off as friends.

He refused to leave it at that and kept asking why. When I finally told him the truth about how I felt, he seemed genuinely surprised. He said he had no idea I was experiencing that much discomfort, and he promised that he would be gentler the next time.

Well, the next time came, and unfortunately, I still felt exactly the same way.

I have not told him that yet, but deep down I know nothing has changed for me. Recently, he wanted us to meet again, but I made an excuse because I could not bring myself to go through that experience another time.

The thing is, he really is a good man. He treats me well, he cares about me, and he is serious about building a future together. In fact, he talks about marriage all the time.

Whenever he brings up marriage, my heart starts pounding, but not for the reasons you might think. Instead of feeling excited, I feel scared. I keep imagining what life would be like if I married him and had to live with the same pain for the rest of my life.

Right now, I am seriously considering ending the relationship because I do not think I can cope with it anymore. I feel guilty because he has done nothing wrong intentionally, but I also cannot ignore how I feel.

Please, I need some advice. Am I making the right decision?

—Cynthia

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