My boyfriend has a girlfriend. His girlfriend knows about me. It is an arrangement between the two of them while they while away time, sort themselves out, and either get married or stay like this forever, maybe even when they marry different people. They have been together for almost a decade, eight years actually.

From the look of things, I was never supposed to find out. I was to be kept in limbo till they sorted the puzzle they themselves found themselves in.

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I met my boyfriend two years ago. We started off as friends, and somewhere in the middle, we started dating each other.

I found out about this some months ago when I was going through his phone. With everything I scrolled through, I found all the answers I needed, so I did not have any more questions to ask him. Even if I asked, what if he decided to lie about it or give me half the truth and add fuel to the flames?

But eventually, I was dying, so I asked him, “What is between the two of you? Are you attached to her or something?”

The issue is that before my boyfriend’s father died, he swore and made his sons promise that they would not marry anyone from that particular tribe. And since they cannot let go of each other, they have been holding on to each other for the past eight years.

“If he is dead, then marry each other. The dead has nothing to do with your love. He will not come and kill you two.”

He responded, “It is not easy, and you do not understand.”

“Then make me understand.”

He said a lot of things that I did not understand, so instead I made up my mind to go and ask the other girlfriend. Woman to woman, because what is more profitable than women supporting women. My mission was simple. “Hello, since you two are afraid of the dead and cannot marry each other because of the tribe, can you leave my man for me so that he concentrates on me, and me alone.” I was not even asking for the moon.

I told her and hoped that alone would do. Rather, she went off to tell my boyfriend that I had come to approach her. In her words, she said, “Tell your girlfriend to stay away from me.” Meanwhile, she left out the part where she disrespected me and told me to go and find my own man and stop perching on hers.

He did not come to confront me about it directly, but he mentioned it in a careful way, with precision, as if he was trying not to hurt anyone’s feelings, my feelings and her feelings all together. Because of that, I kept quiet.

On Valentine’s Day, we were out on a date when she showed up. We actually went out on a proper date. He was dressed nicely, smelling good, and I was too. Around 10:03 pm, I remember the exact time, his phone lit up. He turned it over, and she was the caller. He immediately turned it face down, and we both pretended there was no elephant in the room that we needed to deal with.

The pretence went on for a while until I finally told him to make a decision, whether to be with me or be with the girl. He is yet to make a choice.

He is not eager to let her go, neither is she ready to let go of him. He cannot keep strolling us along and not telling me what route we are using. I am 29 years old. My clock is ticking, and I do not want to waste it on an indecisive man who has put in this arrangement.

Besides this, he will not even introduce me to his mother. Even though his mother has seen me a couple of times, I have never been properly introduced to her as the girlfriend, or even as a friend. He tells me to be patient, that he wants to be financially stable before he does the introduction so that we take it from there. I do not know how that connects to me meeting his mother, but for now, since it is the only excuse he has come up with, I will take it like the beggar that I am.

How do I even call this situation, a throuple or cheating?

I have a feeling there is more to this than what I know. He is not telling the truth, and my gut tells me so.

We have had our ups and downs, but it has not stopped us from showing up for each other with intentionality, care, support, and love. But this matter, this girlfriend from his past, is a ghost we have to lay to rest before we decide what to do and when to do it.

In the meantime, I am doing my own investigations. I have learned that she is a nurse, someone who is supposed to provide care to people, yet she is disrupting the peace in mine. It is like a long-distance relationship between them.

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I am just confused. I even forgot they have been together for eight years. Eight good years. I do not know how I can come in between this. I do not know why they are doing this. I do not even understand what on earth is keeping me here.

—Naa

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