The first time I cried in front of my girlfriend, we were watching a movie. The movie took a swift turn into the dark territories of my emotions and before I knew it, I was shedding tears. I didn’t even see it coming. If I did, I would have cleared my tears before she saw it.
The movie reminded me of some suffering I went through in my childhood. I’m talking about abandonment and neglect by my parents. My mom apologized to me before she died years ago. As for my dad, he’s still alive but doesn’t see anything wrong with the way he treated me. He hasn’t said sorry but I’ve forgiven him long ago. When the movie started telling a portion of my story, it felt like it was happening to me all over again.
My girlfriend saw me crying and started laughing. She said, “Are you a woman? You watch a movie and you cry? Even me, I haven’t cried. What is that?”
It sounded offensive but I explained everything to her. She still didn’t get it. She blamed me for holding on to my past instead of letting it go. She asked me to be stronger because I’m a man.
The second time I cried was a couple of months ago. She was the reason I cried. She was accusing me of something I knew nothing about. It’s stupid but I thought she knew me enough to know I wouldn’t do such a thing. She kept pushing it on me. I kept explaining myself until I got choked with tears. It was out of frustration that I cried.
Again she made mockery of me, “Everything then you’re crying. Are you not a man? You’re arguing with your girlfriend and you’re crying? Have I beaten you? Or you want people to accuse me of being a man-beater?” I didn’t talk again. She ranted on and on until she left me there.
The things I’ve been through as a man trying to make it in life have made me emotional. I try to hold it but sometimes it just happens.
After the second time of tearing up, she started withdrawing from me. I tried to pull her close but the harder I tried, the harder she kept pulling away. One of her friends called and I was telling her to tell her friend to forgive me. She said, “She told me you like crying too much and she can’t live with a man like that. I’m just telling you what she said but don’t tell her.”
The relationship is now hanging on a thread—even that thread, I put it there, other than that, we would have been on the floor, broken into unrecognizable pieces. I want her in my life but is it worth it? I don’t intend to let my emotions get the best of me the way it did in front of her but is it worth it to keep such a relationship going?
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—Godswill
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God’s will let her go . Your girlfriend is supposed to understand you. Trust you . Yet she doesn’t do them. And who said a man doesn’t Cry? My dear cry all you want after you are human. You crying speaks a lot. You can’t stay with a woman who uses aren’t you a man in every thing you do. You being with her will make you pretend in order to please her. You letting her go will give you the opportunity to be with someone better. If she wants a man who doesn’t cry then she should go date and marry a robot. She is toxic. Feel free to cry all you want. To hell with b33ma nsu etc.
Men also cry. If she doesn’t understand you, let her go.
She needs a man in her life and not a crying baby. Too much of everything becomes too much. You may not know her story, perhaps she’s also been through things in life but she doesn’t go about crying like you do.
Stop being too emotional and let go of your past. If your dad is refusing to apologise to you, that should be his problem and not yours.
So please stop dwelling on the past and move on in life.
are you stupid? he cried twice and she left him.. thats not much.
It is quite unhealthy to be with a person who thinks men don’t cry. That view is an example of “toxic masculinity”. It’s okay to cry. You need someone who will understand you and value your feelings.
I will not say outright ditch her. Rather, I suggest you have a time with her to talk about why it is normal for a man to cry. It should not necessarily be because you have had a painful past. You should let her know it is very very normal for men to cry. Men who don’t cry and bottle everything in, those who don’t show emotions, and those who want society to always see them as strong are likely to commit suicide. If she can’t understand this, she’s a “good riddance”.
Cry man. I’m a man and I cry. I cry watching movies. I cry about life challenges. Feel free to cry just as you laugh. Your feelings are valid.
Well said Bro.
My friend, most women don’t want a man who cries when there’s small issue. You can cry but not in front of her. It’s a NO NO. Don’t be deceived my friend by those encouraging to cry. It’s not attractive to most women. A man is supposed to be physically and emotionally stronger. Just so you know
if only you know how therapeutic it is to cry you would not be saying what you are saying. This is why there are so many hurt, broken and frustrated parents nowadays. Because they have not found ways of dealing with their traumatic past or childhood, innocent children become the automatic receptors of those pains and frustrations then it becomes a cycle for generations. It takes the grace of God to even realise you have a problem and crying as a man at a point when it gets all overwhelming it definitely a great step to growth. PTSD is very real and true!!!
You don’t someone who puts you down in your life. Let her go. Do professional therapy. Then look for another woman.
This upsetting.
I’ve seen a 6ft 1 man, who is a great athlete, cry almost everytime he’s won a game. He’s the biggest cry baby you ever saw, right? Well guess what? He’s happily married (his wife is a knockout, by the way), with several children and a bank account larger than most Ghanaians may ever see in their lifetime.
Is he less a man than other men because of his emotions? I don’t think so.
Unless you have another ‘failing’ that is terrible, please be yourself and with people who are happy to be with you as you are. Seriously. Please and thank you.
This is so toxic. You are 100% allowed to cry. Just because you’re a man it doesn’t make any difference. It’s really healthy to cry and feel your emotions. You are MORE of a man for being in touch with your emotions, not less. Leave this bitch, she sounds horrible. If it was the other way around everyone would be telling you how horrible you are. You went through some horrible stuff as a child and you don’t want to repeat the same damaging type of relationship with her.