My husband and I have been married for six months now. We actually had an adorable baby girl before getting married. This Man has been very good to me and my family. I’m currently not working so he literally takes care of everything our family needs.

It isn’t that I don’t want to work. I just had difficulties getting something to do. So my husband has been pushing for an opportunity that has stepped on our doorstep for me. He has paid huge sums of money so that I will get this opportunity and start making something for myself.

While I appreciate everything he does for our family, certain have come to light about the man I thought I knew. About two months ago, I realized anytime we have sex, I get itchy down there. Sometimes the itchiness started while we were in the middle of the act. Other times too it happened right after we finished doing it.

The infection always got worse with time. One time it was so serious that I told him, “These days when we get together, I start to itch. Why is that so?” With a concerned look, he responded, “If that’s the issue, then it means I might also get infected. So I’ll get a medicine for both of us to take.” True to his words, he got us the medicine.

After taking the medicine, the itchiness happened again when we had shuperu. This happened a few more times so I asked him, “Babe, are you sure you’re not sleeping around with somebody else?” He swore on his stars that I was the only person he was having intimacy with. So I asked again, “Then how come anytime we sleep together, I get infected?” He couldn’t say anything sensible so I started monitoring him.

Sometimes, I would be with him while he answered some calls. The tone of his voice on the calls would be very soothing. It’s the kind of tone a man uses on a woman he likes. However, he would end the call by calling whoever was on the other end, “Chale” and then say something to them in pidgin.

To clarify, I would ask him, “Were you talking to a man?” And he would say yes. I’d then giggle and say, “If you are talking to a man like this, then how do you talk to women?” He would also laugh and we would end it there. Unbeknownst to me, this man knew what he was up to. He must have been thinking I was stupid, all those times I couldn’t figure him out.

Everything came out when I went through his phone one night. I couldn’t believe the things I found. Silent beads, my husband sleeps with random Men. They have this group on telegram. They use it to pick up men and arrange to meet up with them. In one of the conversations I read with one of his partners, the guy told my husband, “I can’t wait to see you.”

Then he continued with, “Will you be interested in a threesome?”

“Of course. I have a guy I do it with. I will call him so we can all meet and see how it goes. I am looking forward to seeing how big you are,” my husband responded.

Honestly, my mouth was opened for a couple of seconds when I read that chat.

In another chat, someone asked to meet him and he responded; “There is no privacy at home because I am married. But I will make time.” Then the person said, “I am sorry but I don’t do married men. I can get you someone who wouldn’t mind though.”

In another chat, he talked about me with whoever was on the other end. The person asked him, “Do you hit your wife’s front door or back door?” He told the person he does both. Meanwhile, we have never done it back door before. It dawned on me then that he might try to do it. There was a time when he brushed it there and I pushed his thing away. I thought it was by accident but after what I know now, I believe he was testing my reaction to it.

There were several chats but the one I can’t stop thinking about has to do with his friend, Kofi. In this chat, one of my husband’s partners asked him, “Does Kofi usually visit you at home to spend time with you?” This is where I was so surprised. So Kofi too does it? This is someone my husband spends nights with. I never saw a reason to assume they were together because nothing about them showed that they weren’t straight.

I remember a time when we were watching the news. Something about the LGBTQ+ community was reported. So I asked what he thought about it. He was vehemently against it. To think that I used to go down on him after all the places his yinky has been is really paining me.

As I’m typing this, I remember a dream I had about him in the past. He was among a gang of boys and they were all naked. I never would have interpreted that dream to mean anything sexual. I believe that’s why I missed the revelation God was trying to give me about the man I married. I am so disappointed in this man I call my husband. My heart is broken.

I’m currently calm about it but it’s getting to me. All those times I saw condoms in his wallet and didn’t know what he was using them for. Once, I asked him why he had them and he shrugged, “Someone shared them in a trotro. I didn’t want to be rude so I accepted them.” He must have been happy to exploit my trust in him. Why else would he keep feeding me lie after lie just to pursue his extra marital activities?

After I found out the truth about him, I got scared for my life. I didn’t confront him. I just packed a few of mine and the baby’s stuff and told him we were going to visit my mother. “There’s a family emergency so my mum asked me to come home. I will update you when I get there and know what’s going on.” Just as I never suspected his secret lifestyle, he also didn’t suspect that I was escaping from our charade of a marriage. He even accompanied me to get a vehicle.

When I got home , I sent him a message, “It saddens me to let you know you are the reason I left home.” He asked why and I put it straight to him that I found out he’s a closeted gay man. He denied it. I recounted everything I saw on his phone but he still denied it. My mother asked me what was going on but I didn’t tell her anything.

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Later, my husband reached out to me. He said he was ready to come clean so I should come home. When I got home he sat me down and told me everything I saw was true. “I tried to change. I went for counselling. I even went on some online therapy sessions. I have prayed ceaselessly but nothing has changed,” he confessed.

He said he loves me and doesn’t want to end our marriage. I was upset and undecided about what to do at first. I was living with him but I was giving him space. Then he lost his mother. When that happened, I decided to put this problem on hold and stand by him until the burial was over.

I’ve Thought About How To Blame God

Last Saturday was the burial. His friends showed up. The very people he had been doing his things with. I didn’t confront them. I was polite. I even served them. Now I have asked my husband that I don’t want him to hang out with those friends anymore but he has refused. These are people I know very well. He used to bring them home and I’d cook for them. Sometimes I would leave them at home and go out. How can we work on our marriage when he won’t let go of them?

He says he wants to change. He says he doesn’t want to engage in those activities anymore. So why hold on to the people who will not help him change? I am wondering if I should get involved. Should I call the guys and tell them I know about them so they should stay away from my husband? Will I be right to do that? Or I should let him cut them off on his own? What’s the right step to take here? Please, I need help.

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—Tilly

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