I have been dating a man from Kumasi for more than a year. I live in the Western Region, so it’s a long-distance relationship. We talk about getting married one day. When we do, I worry a little. Once in a while, he helps me with money. I don’t know if that is why he behaves as if he owns me.

It wasn’t like that in the beginning. Everything was perfect then. When we were just friends, our conversations flowed effortlessly. I was an open book. I shared everything with him: my school schedule, my work challenges, my outings with friends, and my church activities. He never had a problem with any of it.

But as soon as we started dating, everything changed.

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He suddenly had a problem with everything I did. If I said I was going to church, he would start a big argument. Then, his favourite thing to do: he would block my number. Just like that. He would disappear until he felt like talking again.

This happens again and again. We argue, he blocks me. We never fix the problem. I’m always left waiting, feeling confused and tired.

How can I marry someone who blocks me instead of talking to me?

The stress was too much, so I started talking to a childhood friend who is a guy. My boyfriend found out and told me to stop talking to him. He was trying to control who my friends were before we were even married. I said no. I stood up for myself.

We tried to push forward with marriage plans, hoping it would solidify things. But he couldn’t make a single decision on his own. Every conversation was, “Mommy says this,” or “My friend suggests we do it that way.” It was never what we wanted.

There was a problem when his parents came to see my family and my dad wasn’t home. My boyfriend made me call his father to apologize. He acted like he was doing me a huge favour by wanting to marry me. I said sorry, but he still uses that against me.

This whole year has been so draining. He plays with my feelings.

One time, I was helping with a big event at my church. I told him about it a whole month early. He still got mad and made me feel bad for being involved. I felt so angry and trapped that I told him I wanted to break up.

He said, “No, let’s just take a break instead.” I agreed. Then he didn’t call me at all. It was like I was being punished. I missed him, so I called him. I was the one who apologised. I told him, “I don’t like how you act, but I want to understand you.” I really wanted to make it work.

He said we should slow down the wedding plans. I agreed. For a little while, things were good again. It felt nice.

Then out of nowhere, he said he needed time to “heal” from all the things I had done wrong. He listed every mistake I ever made. The very next day, he called and said, “Why didn’t you try to stop me when we broke up? It proves you don’t love me.” I thought he was testing me, so I ignored it.

We started talking again. Then he blocked me again for no reason. I had to call his friend to get him to talk to me.

I was travelling to a school event near where he lives. I told him I would visit. On my way there, he called me and broke up with me. I was left alone on the road, crying. When my friend called him, he just started yelling about old problems I thought were forgiven. He said he needed “space” again.

During this “space,” he was in control. He would call me when he felt lonely. But if I tried to call him, he wouldn’t answer or he would block me. He could talk to me whenever he wanted, but I could never talk to him.

I got tired of it. I got a new phone number. After a month, I put my old SIM card back in. I had a text from him. It said he had “forgiven” me and wanted to get back together.

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I asked him, “What am I to you? Where do we stand?”

He replied: “I haven’t said anything about that, but that shouldn’t stop you from telling me how you feel. Should I beg you? It’s fine. Even though I asked for space, I call you and say I miss you, but you won’t tell me I’m important unless I say it first. No problem.”

Till now, he still hasn’t given me a straight answer. I don’t know if we are together or not. I’m stuck in this same confusing cycle, and I am so tired of it.

Now my father is asking me about our marriage plans. I don’t know what to tell him.

—Evelyn

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