I didn’t mean to fall in love with her, but talking to her consistently changed everything. I knew she was married, but I didn’t know anything about her marriage until our conversations got deeper. Anytime I asked about her husband, she said something that made it seem like her husband wasn’t in her life. “Oh, that man? Do I even know where he is? He went out.”

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I would ask if they were fighting. Fighting in marriage doesn’t mean the marriage is in a bad state. It’s normal for couples to fight, but the cracks show when the fighting is constant. So through the answers she gave me, I noticed there were cracks in her marriage. But still, I didn’t mean to fall in love with her.

She knew my girlfriend. They had once worked in the same office until my girlfriend left the organization. This was one of the things we bonded over. She talked about how my girlfriend was fierce and didn’t respect anybody. While this conversation went on and on, feelings developed, especially when she told me stories of how her husband had neglected her and her four kids.

I was amazed she still had that body after having four kids, all of them girls. I complimented her on how she had kept her body and how she looked like a woman who hadn’t had a child. She said, “I’m glad someone sees that. My husband doesn’t even look at me and see how blessed he is to have me as his wife.”

One day, she asked for a favor. It was about something she needed to buy for one of her kids. I gave it to her without asking questions. That wasn’t the first time. I gave whenever I had. I threw a lot of favors her way, the way you would give to your favorite child. She said, “I’m sorry I’m making you do the job another man should have done.” I responded, “If he doesn’t take care, I will take his place.”

That statement kicked the ball rolling until we landed where we currently are. She asked if I could handle her and her baggage of four kids. I responded, “You haven’t tried me.” I bragged, but it sounded like a joke until one day we met at my place. She had come to pick up a bag of rice I’d brought from the office.

I hugged her from behind. She turned to look at me, and the show started. We did the peripherals. We didn’t go all the way, but we did enough to show the connection between us was strong. Later in the evening, she texted, “Thank you for the rice, but why did you stop?”

“Because you were not responding, so I thought you didn’t like it.”

We started a full-blown relationship from that moment. We didn’t have a name for what we had going on, but she kept telling me I was the husband that never was. I was so in love with this woman that I started forgetting about my own relationship. I didn’t care if I had called my girlfriend or not. I was withdrawing at a fast rate. She saw it and complained. She joked, “Who has taken your attention from me?”

If I had the courage, I should have said it was a married woman with four kids, but I lied that work had been hectic. She had traveled because of work. She had gone for a few weeks when this woman came into my life, but the feelings had spread like wildfire.

I was buying things for her kids. I was paying canteen fees for all four kids. When the kids were on mid-term and she talked about their school fees not being paid, I settled them for all four kids. I did it without feeling pain or thinking it was my money going down the drain. Whenever I asked myself questions about the kind of relationship we had going on, I told myself she was my soulmate I didn’t meet early.

We’ve been dating on the side for over a year now. The only person who has suspicion about my relationship with her is my girlfriend. She suspects I’m seeing someone else but doesn’t know who. She complains I’ve changed but doesn’t know why. She knows there’s another woman I go to, but she doesn’t know where.

But I had to sit and reflect on the whole life I’m living on the side and ask honest questions. I know what I’m doing is very wrong from all dimensions, but the problem now is I can’t stop seeing this woman. There were times I told myself I would run away from her. When I was inconsistent with her for two days and she complained about it, I quickly shifted back to normal. It was like I was scared to hurt her feelings.

I’m hurting a lot of people’s feelings—my girlfriend especially. I’ve thought of letting her go, but she hardly does anything wrong for me to stand on that. I’ve thought of letting her catch me so she would leave me. I’ve acted nonchalant about our relationship just to make her decide to leave, but she stays. Some nights I get scared. The “what ifs” are too many and too scary.

A few days ago, she told me her husband had said she was a curse on his life. According to her husband, everything he touches turns to dust, and it’s only a cursed woman who gives birth to four children and none is a boy. I asked her, “Why are you still with a man like that?” She asked, “If I leave him, would you marry me and take care of all four girls?”

I shivered. The little voice in my head became louder: “Leave before it’s too late.” Then another voice said, “Why didn’t you tell her to leave him for you? Or are you not ready?”

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I want to leave. I don’t want to leave. No one leaves their soulmate. I’m going mad, right? Maybe the comment section will reset my mind. I’m waiting for it. It’s the only reason I shared this story. I want to hear it as it is—the bold truth, the scary questions, the insults. All of them.

—Evans  

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