When he touches me I feel nothing. I would be as dry as the land Moses parted between the red sea. I have tried to help the situation by telling him what I like but he wouldn’t listen to me. If I tell him, “This is where I like to be touched so touch me here,” he would tell me he knows how a woman’s body works more than I do. And then he would do whatever he believes would work. This is how it has been for the past five years since we’ve been married.

I am not happy to say this but my husband is very bad at sex. This is coming from me, someone who married him as a virgin. Everything he does turns me off. Yet he thinks he is so good at it. I have tried to teach him what works for me but he shuts me down. I have suggested he reads materials on how to satisfy a woman, but he doesn’t want to hear of it either. I even asked him to watch adult movies so he can learn the art of shuperu from other men but he has refused to do that as well.

Every time we get intimate, we have to use lubricants to reduce friction, if not I would end up getting hurt. Because I feel nothing when he is doing it, I don’t participate. I just lie down like a stick until he is done. It takes a lot of restraint for me not to cry or push him away when he is on top of me. I usually pray for him to finish quickly so that my torture would come to an end.

I always jump out of bed when it’s over. I don’t let him hold me or even stay with him for two seconds. I just run to the bathroom to wipe myself. After five years of doing this, I got tired. I couldn’t stand to keep having bad sex. That’s how I ended up taking a lover. He is a guy who works for us.

My husband usually leaves home in the morning and returns in the afternoon or evening depending on the job at hand. I know his schedule so I have been able to hide the affair from him.

My boyfriend and I have been together for six months now. When he touches me and sucks my boobs, I get so wet to the extent that I wipe myself before we start shuperu. Meanwhile, my husband’s touch dries me up. While this other man and I can do six rounds in a day, I can barely get through one round with my husband.

Now, while I enjoy this other man’s touch, I have realized that what I am doing is not right. So I want to end things with him. The problem is that he won’t let me. He is threatening to tell my husband about our affair if I dare break up with him. He said, “I have never loved any woman the way I love you, so I won’t let you go. If you are afraid of getting caught, then let’s just relocate to one of the surrounding French-speaking countries. We can start a new life over there. We can reinvent ourselves and be anything we want to be.”

I don’t want to leave my husband for him, and he knows it. So he has threatened to hurt me if I don’t choose him. He says if he can’t have me then no one can. I have not had shuperu with him in about a month, just to let him know that I am serious about leaving him. He is not taking it well. He keeps sending me messages and bombards my phone with calls even when my husband is around.

His aim is to get my husband to find out about us, so he would divorce me. That way I wouldn’t have any reason not to be with him. I’ve pleaded with this guy to move on. “Please, find someone else to be with. I don’t want to continue this affair anymore. I want to focus on my marriage,” I have explained to him. But he says he will do no such thing. “You are the only one I want. I am currently suffering because you have withheld yourself from me. By now you should know that I can’t go a day without being inside you,” he said.

I didn’t know that things would get out of hand like this. All I wanted was to be with someone who would listen to my needs and satisfy them. If I knew that my search for pleasure would bring things to this stage, I wouldn’t have allowed it to happen at all. Again, if only my husband had been attentive to my needs, I wouldn’t have gone outside my marriage to fulfil those needs.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming my husband for my mistakes. I know that I am responsible for my predicament. Even before I married my husband, my instincts told me not to marry him but I didn’t listen. I was a devout Christian when I met him. Although I am very pretty and intelligent, I was very naïve when it came to men. I didn’t even know anything about sex or relationships, let alone marriage.

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My husband saw an opportunity to marry a young and attractive woman, and he took it. He didn’t want to waste time in a long relationship so he proposed that we get married as soon as possible. We barely knew each other. And we hardly saw eye to eye on things. We quarrelled constantly, over mundane things. This was a red flag for me.

However, my prophetess encouraged me to marry him. She said everything would be fine after marriage. This was my first mistake. Choosing someone else’s opinion over my own instincts. My second mistake was that I didn’t have shuperu with him before marriage. I don’t regret anything like I do this particular mistake. Because if I had slept with him, I would have known that we are not sexually compatible. We would have found a way around it, or I wouldn’t have married him at all. Without this knowledge, I jumped into the marriage and now, here I am.

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It’s 3 AM and I can’t sleep. My sins are eating me up. There’s also the problem of the threats I am receiving from the man I sinned with. I made my own bed but I can’t lie in it. It’s a messy situation, and I don’t wish this for anyone. So let me take this opportunity to advise women who are yet to get married. Please, make sure you are attracted to your partner before you go ahead and say, “I do.” And to the men, listen to your women. Even if you think you know a woman’s body better than she does, listen to her. She is the best person to guide you to her pleasure spots.

I don’t know how I am going to get out of this situation. At this point, I will be happy if I survive this. I know I brought this on myself but how can I escape a man who would rather hurt me than lose me?

—Mercy 

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