She’s a woman I met through my work at the bank. She was always in a hurry and would look for anyone around who could help her transact and leave as soon as possible. One day, she spoke to me and we became friends. She said, “Now that I’ve found you, my stress is over.” I never thought her stress would be over while my own stress would begin.

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She would call me before coming to the bank. Even when the bank was empty, she would still call and ask me to help her. I loved helping her too because she was generous with money. She brought me lunch one afternoon when I didn’t need to help her with anything. The next day, she asked me, “Did you enjoy the meal?”

When I said yes, she told me, “The owner is my friend. I can make her bring you lunch every day.” I told her I couldn’t pay for it every day, and she said, “Oh, that one is on me. What are friends for?”

This isn’t a woman in my age bracket, so anytime she said we were friends, I cringed a little. No, she’s not old enough to be my mother, but she’s old enough to be my mother’s friend.

She sent me a message one evening inviting me to her birthday party in a plush hotel. She told me the dress code and asked if I needed help getting the clothes or if I already had them. I texted, “I can put something together, so don’t worry.”

That day, I met her two daughters and her son. Her husband wasn’t around, but she later told me he had traveled on a business trip. She came to my table often to ask if I’d been served well and if I was enjoying the night. She even danced with me at some point. I was a little tipsy, so all shyness was gone. After the party, she asked me to wait.

I was the only one left when she told me she wanted to drive me home. I said, “Oh, don’t worry. I can get an Uber here, and in a few minutes I’ll be home.” She responded, “Don’t take the opportunity of being kind away from me. Let me do it.”

In her car, going home, she asked a lot of questions. I was tipsy, so I had no inhibitions. I answered honestly, and it turned into a full-blown conversation. By the time we got to my area, the conversation was at its peak, so she parked at a bend and we continued talking. She was giving me signs that she liked me beyond being the guy who helped her transact at the bank. I was picking the signs and wondering if I was thinking right, until she touched my flap and said she wanted to see what was there.

The tipsiness disappeared suddenly, and inhibition took its place. She said, “You’re a man. Show me something.” We didn’t go far that night, but the foundation was laid perfectly for who we had become.

She is currently my girlfriend, and we’ve been this way since September last year. I asked her why she was doing this with me—if she was out of love with her husband or going through problems in her marriage. She answered, “Not at all. My marriage is fine, and my family is in good shape. What’s lost is the magic. He works a lot and has little magic left for romance.”

Fridays have become the best days of my life because of the places she takes me and the things she makes us do. She doesn’t like doing things the normal way. She says life has been normal for too long and she wants something different.

So we do it in the car. We go to the night beach and do it there. I’ve been on her office floor at night so we could try it in the lift, because she had always fantasized about doing it there.

I’m just a servant in this relationship. I just say yes to things. Because of her, I’ve learned a lot about my own passion and what makes me happy. She has money to give, and from the beginning she thought that was what I was after. I said no because I had fallen in love with her. That statement alone made her transfer money into my account.

I bought a ring I wear whenever I’m with her so no one will suspect we are dating. I didn’t know how attached I had grown to her until her husband came back from abroad and we had to tone things down.

I can’t call her in the evening like we used to. I can’t visit her office because her husband works there too. Friday nights are no longer what they used to be. I’m bored and frustrated, as if I’ve been denied air.

I asked her when he would travel again, and she said she didn’t know. I asked, “Are we going to be like this until God knows when? Can’t you run away sometimes?”

She says I’m asking for too much and that wasn’t the deal we signed. I don’t remember signing any deal that said her husband would come back and we would no longer be who we used to be.

Currently, it’s an obsession, and it’s destroying every emotional strength I’ve built over the years. She tells me we are not over, but I want this to be over. I don’t want to be there for her again when her husband travels. She has turned me into her emotional luggage, and I want my life back.

I try to avoid talking to her. I make resolutions not to answer her calls again, but when I see her name on my phone, everything disappears from my mind. I pick up and talk like everything is fine. I’m not a soft guy. I used to be in control of my emotions. I used to tell my girlfriend what to do and what not to do, but now someone’s wife is dictating my life. I hate who I’ve become because of her.

Thriving In A Relationship When The Man Doesn’t Have Money

We were supposed to meet last week, but she canceled. Her husband changed plans. It wasn’t the first time. She never canceled dates until her husband returned. It’s clear I’m not that important. That’s why I want my life back. I want to stop this, find a woman I can call my own, and build something real. But no matter how hard I try, she calls and I melt.

Is this not juju she’s using on me? How can a heavily built man like me not escape her tiny web? It must be something, and I need help to break away from it.

—Richard

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