My wife and I are currently living apart. It’s been like this for the past three months. I’m the one who cheated and was caught, so we agreed for me to leave the house. But I see the kids—two of them, and we’ve been married for six years.

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She suspected I was cheating long ago and asked questions, but I denied the truth and gaslighted her and, at some point, got angry that she was looking too deep under the eyes of the corpse. She never stopped searching for answers because I never stopped cheating.

In July this year, she found me out in a way I couldn’t defend myself, so I had to come totally clean and hoped that could save our marriage.

She asked how long I’d cheated, how many women, how far I’d gone with them, and asked some specific questions about when she suspected me and I denied the truth. I said the truth because there was no need to hide, but I realized the more I spoke the truth, the more she got hurt and cried, so I had to hold on to some of the truth and share it later.

But in the process, she said she wanted a divorce and asked me to leave the house, and I did. She didn’t only say it, but she followed up with my family, telling them everything that happened and said she wanted a divorce. Her parents have spoken to me. I’ve told them I regret everything and would not do it again if I get a second chance. They assured me they were going to put things right and bring us together again.

My wife is still adamant. She insists she doesn’t want the marriage again and is the reason we are currently separated. Her parents have hopes that she will change her mind. My family are also hanging on to the same hope. I still talk to her, usually about the kids. I play my role as the father. I’m doing my best for them, but there’s something more I haven’t said.

I should have said it at the heat of the moment when I was confessing my sins, but because every truth I said hurt her, it would have been so inhuman of me to add that I had a child with a lady who used to be her friend. The lady is currently not in the country. She got pregnant even before my wife conceived. She didn’t have the child here and hasn’t come to Ghana since.

Three Months After Our Breakup, He Got Married

Now, I don’t know if I should tell her this. I don’t even know the future of this marriage and don’t know how this information will help our situation. Some days I want to damn the consequences and tell her, but I tell myself, “She’s gone through a lot and is healing. This will bring her to ground zero.” So I don’t say anything, but keeping it a secret means I’m still keeping secrets, so even if our marriage comes back on track, there’s one more thing to send us to the abyss once again.

That’s my confusion now. To tell or not to tell.

—Emmanuel

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