Sandra and I had come a long way. I was friends with her even before we both knew what friendship was about. We stayed in the same neighborhood and grew in the same direction toward the sun. We didn’t attend the same university, but each time we were home, we continued our friendship as though we had never parted. In church, when she was the president of the youth group, I was the vice president. There was no her without me.

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When she started dating Clifford, I was there. When she was playing hard to get, Clifford came to me and said, “Help me convince your friend. I have good intentions. I don’t know why she doesn’t trust me.”

I told her, “Maybe he’s a good guy—who knows?” She answered, “I don’t want to rush into something that wouldn’t last. I want to watch him for a while.” I went and told Clifford, “She has a point. She says she can’t just jump, so allow her to walk. Who knows, she may walk right into your love.”

When they started dating, I was around. I went on dates with them sometimes. Clifford called me when they had issues. I can’t count the number of fights I resolved, even when I couldn’t resolve the fight I was having with my own boyfriend. I was very close to them until they decided to get married.

I was the happiest. I felt I had been right about Clifford. Even Sandra herself said she was glad she listened to me. I wished them well and offered to help with their wedding in any capacity they wanted me to. Then Sandra said, “Do you even have to say it? You’re going to be everything, so get ready.”

When she said I was going to be the bridesmaid, I told her I wanted to be the wheels of the wedding. I wanted to be where the organization was so I could be her eyes. She insisted. She said I was the only one she could trust to be by her side. I accepted, so everything concerning the wedding, she ran by me.

A week before the wedding, Vivian, our longtime friend, returned from the UK. We grew up with Vivian too, but along the way, abroad called and she responded. She wasn’t someone who called or even texted us when she went abroad. I had forgotten about her existence, and I believe Sandra didn’t even consider her a friend. But when she appeared out of nowhere, we all embraced her and welcomed her into the fold.

The wedding arrangements were far gone, but she said she wanted to be part of it. I was there when Sandra told her she could be part of the bridal train, and Vivian accepted.

Things started changing slowly. Vivian had entered the fold, so she was everywhere with Sandra. I must confess that I was jealous, especially when they went to places without me and posted videos on their status. They were having fun. Even Clifford was pulled into their fun, and they left me behind.

Sandra started changing a lot of things about the wedding—things we had already agreed on—all because Vivian asked her to change them and she felt they were good ideas. My opinion no longer mattered. My suggestions were dismissed. I pulled away and watched them do whatever made them happy.

They had a wedding rehearsal, and I wasn’t invited. I didn’t even know when they planned to have that rehearsal. I later saw it on Vivian’s status. I asked Sandra, “What’s going on? Is Vivian going to be the bridesmaid now?” She answered, “Oh no, how can that be? I thought you were busy, so I asked her to act. You already know what to do, so you don’t need a rehearsal.”

A day to the wedding, her elder sister sent me a text: “I’m sorry this is coming this late. I think Vivian has to be the bridesmaid because of her height and size. She mirrors Sandra very well. Please don’t take it the wrong way. It was very hard to tell you this; that’s why Sandra couldn’t say it, but I have to come in.”

A day to the wedding—ooo.

I read the message over and over again, thinking about what to say. I wanted to call Sandra and clarify, but then a voice said, “If her sister is telling you, then she’s already aware.” The message came in the morning when I was at work. Before I closed from work, I called Sandra’s sister and asked, “Is this your decision, or was it Sandra who asked you to tell me?”

She was lost. She asked, “Tell you what?”
I answered, “The message you sent me.”
She asked, “What message?”
I said, “The message you sent me this morning.”

Then she shouted, “My phone sent you a message? What message? Then it could be an accident. What did the message say?”

I knew Sandra was hiding behind her sister to remove me from the position she herself had given me. I told her, “Oh, then never mind.”

I didn’t call Sandra to ask any questions. It was her wedding the next day, so I didn’t want to affect her mood negatively. On Saturday, I stayed in bed until late morning. I cleaned my room, cooked jollof, served myself very well, and ate. Later in the evening, it was her elder sister who called to ask what was going on. “I thought you were the bridesmaid, so what happened? I didn’t see you. What is going on?”

I answered, “Ask Sandra. She’s the best person to talk about that.”

Everyone at the wedding who didn’t see me called to ask why. I didn’t answer everyone, but those very close to us in church knew there was a problem because, according to some of them, Sandra said I was the one being dramatic, so they should ignore me.

A week after the wedding, Clifford called me to apologize on her behalf. I asked Clifford, “Did she send you to call me, or did you decide to call me?” He said he got to understand what the whole issue was about and thought it was nice to call me. I thanked him and told him I was fine.

Marriage Through the Eyes of Millennials and Gen-Z

Two weeks later, I saw Sandra’s call. I didn’t answer the phone. She texted with laughing emojis, “Oh, pick up the phone and stop being dramatic. What’s that?” I didn’t text back, and I didn’t call back. We’ve met in church since then, but each time we meet, I keep my distance and she keeps hers. I’m happy about the gap. She’s happy about her marriage. That’s the most important thing.

—Gloria

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